The day before the first day of school, Ryan’s school had a meet the teacher event. There was also a Boy Scout information booth set up in the hallway.  As we were leaving, Ryan went right to the booth and started looking at all of the pictures.  The leader started talking to us about the various levels, activities, and when it would start.  

Ryan was intrigued and was very interested in becoming a Boy Scout.  I never participated in Girl Scouts, or even knew that much about the program.  Other than seeing the uniforms around, I wasn’t sure exactly what they did or what their purpose was.  The leader told us the first meeting and information session for new scouts would be in a few weeks, and we signed up to attend the meeting.

The past few weeks I’ve asked friends who are involved in Boy Scouts their opinions.  Everything I heard from them was positive.  I asked my friends on my personal Facebook page, what their experiences with Boy Scouts had been, and again, it was all positive.  There were several adult men who commented they had really enjoyed their time in Boy Scouts and it helped them learn a lot of different skills.  One of my friends also commented there really is no other program out there for boys like it. 

Then the comment came- just about the only thing I had remembered hearing about Boy Scouts, and that is their position towards gay people.  I haven’t read the actual policy word for word, but they prohibit any person who is gay from being a leader or participating in the organization. This has been challenged legally, but since they are a private organization, the policy has been upheld. 

One of my friends told me she would have enrolled her son, who is also in first grade, in Boy Scouts if not for this policy.  She was still thinking about it.  My friend Alison, told me she had friends who participated in Boy Scouts and it really depends on the local group.  Another friend of mine from high school, who has been involved in Boys Scouts for years with his two sons, and who is a leader, confirmed the same thing.  He also said in all his years involved, he had never heard one anti-gay comment, and it had never been an issue.

In our own circle of friends and family, there are gay people.  I teach Ryan and Cole to treat everyone with respect and kindness.  Personally, I disagree with the Boy Scout policy, and think they should change it- the sooner the better.  Ignoring that people are gay, and preventing them to participate in an organization is discrimination.  It seems hateful and very mean spirited.  Most of the information I read said the Boy Scout organization does not ask, or divulge into a person’s sexual orientation.  So it seems like the classic case of ”don’t ask, don’t tell.”   

Because I don’t agree with the Boy Scouts national policy on this issue, is that a good reason to keep my six year old from joining the organization?

The biggest question I had was, would telling Ryan he couldn’t join, change anything on a national level?  Sadly, the answer is no.  I feel in this case, the harm would be greater to Ryan- telling him he couldn’t join- than it would be to the Boy Scouts.  After considering what people have said their experiences have been at a local level, it didn’t seem likely that the anti-gay policy would be an issue at this time, in Ryan’s life.  He’s only six, and doesn’t fully grasp all the issues involved in this situation.   

I also think as a parent, the most important thing I can do is let him live life.  The way he wants to, within boundaries of course.  Ryan might not like Boy Scouts after he is in it for a year and will want to quit.  Or he could love it.  But if I never let him try what he wants to do, he will never know.  If he wants to continue in it, there will be a day for this policy conversation with him.  If he feels he doesn’t want to be part of an organization that bans gay people that will be his decision to make, when he is able to do so.  Not mine.  

Last night was the first meeting and Ryan loved it.  His best friend, who is in his class, showed up as well.  They both were so excited.  They watched the older boys with the flags.  They listened to the leaders speak.  They sang a song, and learned more about some of the activities they would be doing.  Ryan is already excited about archery. He wants to go get his uniform.  Cole also whispered to me when he is in first grade, he wants to be a Boy Scout too.   

The core values the Boys Scouts work hard to install, and the sense of accomplishment they help boys to develop in themselves, seems pretty amazing.  I heard boys a few years older than Ryan speak with pride about their activities. They were well spoken, polite, and confident.  It is puzzling that an organization that can cultivate these values with boys, has an anti-anything policy-especially a sexual orientation policy that can’t be chosen.  

As I heard the boys speaking last night, and I watched my own son, excited and eager, my hope for him is to be confident, have a sense of accomplishment, and develop a strong sense of self.  It’s bizarre the Boy Scouts have developed millions and millions of boys every year, with these strong core values, while maintaining their anti-gay policy.       

If Ryan’s generation can recognize discrimination, work to change and correct it, then the Boy Scouts will have had a hand in this, by the values they help develop.  Ending discrimination should start with the Boy Scout organization.  It’s an ironic paradox.

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When I was in New York, I was invited to tour the Hope Lodge facility, as a member of the American Cancer Society (ACS) Blogger Advisory Council I serve on.  

The ACS has more than 30 Hope Lodge locations in the United States and Puerto Rico.  Their purpose is to provide cancer patients and their caregivers a temporary free place to stay when having to travel to another city for cancer treatments. 

As I toured the Jerome L. Greene Hope Center in the heart of New York, I was deeply touched.  I had no idea the scope of services they provide for cancer patients.  There are lovely and homey rooms, which don’t feel like hotel or hospital rooms.  Each floor includes a kitchen, dining area, a quiet lounge, and laundry.  In addition, Hope Lodge helps cancer patients with the healing process.  There are support programs which include meditation, touch therapy, support groups, yoga, and nutritional seminars.  Patients also have access to ACS services such as Look Good…Feel Better, the Wig Program, and Man to Man. 

If a patient is staying at Hope Lodge- all of it is free.  They have 60 rooms at Hope Lodge and they are booked every night, months in advance.  To stay at Hope Lodge, a patient has to be referred by a hospital social worker, as they try to serve the patients with the greatest needs.  I was very impressed as the director told us even if a cancer patient isn’t staying at Hope Lodge, if they are in the city for cancer treatment, they can still come and use all the services free of charge. 

I took a lot of pictures of the facility, but there is a virtual tour you can take as well.  I think that captures the lodge much better than the pictures I took. However, as we walked by the common area, there was a party going on.  There was a woman playing the piano, patients and their caregivers listening, talking, and visiting.  There was so much food, much of it baked by volunteers.  There were beautiful cookies which volunteers baked.  These pictures aren’t on the on-line tour:

This really touched me because of the amount of time, care, and sense of community that exists here.  We toured the facility for an hour, but you could tell there was a lot of love, and dedication, not just by the staff, but by the volunteers, caregivers, and patients themselves.

While I was listening to all the information, and seeing this facility, I couldn’t help but feel a bit overwhelmed in the facility.  It is a wonderful place for any cancer patient.  I wish there was a Hope Lodge in Denver, because I would definitely benefited from their services, even if I had not needed lodging. 

The moment that touched me the most, was as the tour was finishing and I was having a few words with Karen Radwin, the Senior Managing Executive.  She had taken us on the tour and had answered all of our questions.  We were standing somewhat away from the group and I told her I had thyroid cancer last year.  I am sure she can’t count how many times she hears cancer stories, but she listened to mine as if it was the only one she had ever heard.  She asked me questions, no one else had ever thought to ask about my cancer and recovery process.  Even though our conversation was just a few minutes, it still is with me.  

I’ve thought a lot about how to write this post.  There are so many wonderful things Hope Lodge provides, it is hard to pinpoint just a few.  But as a cancer survivor myself, the element I felt the most, from the moment I walked in, and what was confirmed by the tour was care.  The staff really cares and does whatever it can to help cancer patients.  Our medical professionals are so busy, it isn’t always possible to get the feeling of care and love in a hospital. 

The fact these lodges exist to provide caring and healing services to cancer patients is priceless.  It is a major step in the recovery process from cancer, and I am so glad Hope Lodges are there for cancer patients and their families in the direst time of need. 

No asks to have cancer.  No one really plans to have cancer.  Not everyone knows what to say or do when a loved one has cancer.  If you live near a Hope Lodge, seek them out.  They can help, even if the patient isn’t staying there. 

In a world where a disease like cancer is ruled by medical diagnosis’s, invading procedures, surgeries, and drugs, to be able to have services on the flip side, care, love, understanding, and support, is invaluable.  It is the difference between surviving cancer, and healing from cancer.

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I have some fun blog posts to write about New York, our vacation to Michigan, school, and some running updates.  But those will have to wait. 

A few days ago, I was looking for a picture on my computer when the computer brought up the series of pictures of the trip I took to Disneyland in February 2009.  It was the trip I took with my mom, my brother, my sister, and sister-in-law, to celebrate my mom’s 60th birthday.  The pictures made me incredibly sad- to know now one year after that trip, almost to the day- my mom passed away.

My sister called me yesterday upset.  She had a situation in her classroom that was very difficult.  She mentioned it was particually upsetting since tomorrow (which is today), is the six-month mark of our mom passing away. 

I had a really hard time in May with my mom’s death.  I took some time “off” from everything and it helped.  I still have moments when I am really sad, and I miss her a lot, but it is slowing getting better on a day-to-day basis.  For travel to Michigan, we had layovers both ways in Minneapolis, where my mom lived.  The boys and I had lunch with my mom’s friends, Lisa, Annie, and Michelle, who all loved my mom, and helped our family immensely during all of this.  It was so good to talk to them and see them again.   

Those pictures from the other day must have reminded me on a subconscious level.  And yesterday, hearing the words out-loud from my sister- it made me feel a lot.  I can hardly believe my mom has been gone for six months.  It seems like six years.  I have missed her so much.  I’ve missed filling her in on so many things.  I miss talking to her. I miss her voice.  I miss her quirky little habits that used to annoy me.  I miss her late night calls.  I miss her support and love.  I miss not being able to tell her about Ryan and Cole. 

I have been so busy with so many things- until I stop and just think about her, I don’t think about missing her, don’t feel like I am missing her, and I feel guilty about that.  I feel guilty I drive by the cemetery she is laid to rest in almost every day, and I have only been there three times.  It was her wish to be buried there, but I hate seeing it everyday.  It is a beautiful cemetery for someone else’s mother.  I don’t want to think about my mother being there. 

But I also wanted to go today.  To be there.  To touch the gravestone, and to honor her memory.  The boys wanted to go as well- they said they wanted to talk to Nana.  We brought my mom flowers and pictures of our lives from the last six months- the first six months of events she’s missed.  Pictures of my brother, sisters, our children, our families, and our friends. 

The pictures don’t show the sadness and the sense of loss behind the smiles, the loss that is always there- buried, and ignored.  Because death is part of life. We have to move on with our lives, figuring it out as we go.  Together and separately.  No one processes the death of a parent exactly the same way.   

A woman at the hospice told my brother life without our mom never gets easier- it just gets different.  I know that is true.  With the pictures I brought to my mom’s grave, our lives are different than they were six months ago.  But as I was looking at them, I saw they show the basics in life that will never change, and what my mom would want for all of us.  They are pictures of our lives, and of our children’s-playing, growing, traveling, changing, loving, happiness, living.

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I am back from New York.  Wow!!  I can see why people either love or hate it.  I loved it!  It was such a different experience for me.  I’ve lived near Boulder, CO almost my entire life.  I’ve been to Los Angeles several times, but New York was by far the biggest city I’ve ever been in. 

People were nice and very helpful.  No one was rude or had an attitude.  I felt very safe walking around Times Square at night- there was only about 50,000 other people around, police all around, and almost every shop and restaurant was open.  There was only negative thing happen, and that was on the way to the airport on the way home.  The taxi I took smelled like gasoline, and I was on the verge of getting really sick by the time I got to the airport.  Other than that, everything went great. 

The tour of the New York Hope Lodge was amazing.  I am going to write a more detailed blog post about that, but I was so touched by what they do for cancer patients.  As I listened and saw what they did, I thought back to my own experience with cancer last year and thought it was great there are facilities like this that help the patients with the most need.  Especially in a place like New York, where it is so expensive to stay long-term.  I was impressed to learn there are 40 other Hope Lodges in the United States.  It was clear to see Hope Lodges are a great asset in helping cancer patients and their caregivers fight cancer. 

I hope to write more about New York soon (with pictures!), but I had a long day at work yesterday, and the boys and I are leaving tomorow for our vacation together.  We are going with my dad and step-mom to Lake Superior in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.  My dad has a relative there who lives across the street from the lake.  The boys are beyond excited for a beach/water vacation.  I haven’t been able to go anywhere with them for two years on vacation, so I am looking forward to this time with them. 

As much fun as I had in New York, the boys were never far from my thoughts.  I missed them!  I kept thinking how much they would enjoy the buildings, the firetrucks, the police cars, and all the sights and sounds.  I decided I am going to take them there one day- when they are older- so they can experience New York and all the amazing sights, before they are in their thirties, like me.    I liked the perspective it gave me, and I want my sons to be able to live and experience other places then where we live. 

As I flew back into Denver, I saw the few tall buildings on Denver’s skyline.  They definitely didn’t look like much after staring at New York’s massive and countless skyscrapers for five days.  They looked tiny by comparison.  But there were mountains, and open spaces.  I could see miles in any direction- something you don’t get to do in New York from the ground.  There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and they announced it was 75 degrees.  It was a perfect Colorado day, I was going to see Ryan and Cole, and I knew I was home.

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I am writing this post from my hotel room near LaGuardia airport in New York City!  I arrived here this evening, and so far I love it.  I have always imagined myself going to New York, but it has never happened- until now.

Last year when I was recovering from cancer surgery and extremely hypothyroid, the annual BlogHer convention was occurring.  I was supposed to have gone with my good friend, Amy, but obviously cancer changed that.  Amy had found out that BlogHer ’10 was going to be in New York, and she entered us in a contest to win a trip to it.  We were finalists!

I was so touched, and had told my mom about the possibility of Amy and I winning the trip.  She told me I had to go to New York. She had been there several times in recent years for her job. She told me even if we didn’t win the trip, I had to go with Amy to New York this summer- she assured me I would love it.

My mom had asked me a few times to go with her, on her business trips, but I never did. I was too busy, or didn’t want to leave the boys, or it wasn’t a good time for me to go.  There was always a reason not to go.

I decided to boycott BlogHer ’10, after I had already obtained tickets because of their Nestle sponsorship.  But I had also been invited by the American Cancer Society (ACS), by the Blogger Advisory Council I serve on, to come to New York for a tour of their Hope Lodge, a meeting, and an event.  Amy decided to attend BlogHer, so our plans were set.

None of the flights would have given me enough time to arrive and be able to attend the ACS event tomorrow on time, so I came out today- by myself.  I was a little bit anxious about coming here alone, but I’ve been fine.  All the people who have helped me have been wonderful, and Amy is arriving tomorrow. I only have to get myself from this hotel to a hotel in Times Square, but I can handle that.    The man I sat next to on the plane even gave me an app for the iPhone that shows all the subway routes, so I am feeling more confident about the subways too.

But all I could think about today was my mom.  I thought about how much I miss her and how much I regret never taking the time to come to New York with her.  As the plane was approaching New York, I touched my mom’s bracelet and I felt her presence- just a normal feeling- like she was sitting next to me.  the sun was setting and it was a gorgeous scene When we landed I got tears in my eyes.

My mom wanted me to come here.  She told me I should do whatever I could to get out here this summer.  My mom loved to travel, loved New York, and clearly she wanted me to experience this.  I got tears in my eyes because I get to do just that.

When I walked off the plane, I was calm-not nervous.  I was traveling alone to a huge city, but I didn’t feel alone.  I felt my mom’s presence with me, and I think- in that place where the sun shines off the clouds at sunset, painting vibrant colors- my mom is with me in New York.

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