On Sunday we had a play-date with one of Ryan’s friends, “Henry,” who we first met when they were about one, in music class. Three months before I had Cole, Henry’s family had a baby sister, “Ella.”
Despite us never planning it, Ryan, Cole, Henry, and Ella, always ended up in the same music class, and last fall, we discovered Henry and Ryan were in the same pre-school class. Imagine our surprise when we ran into Henry and his dad at swim lessons a few weeks ago. Henry is in the class before Ryan, but we were really close on the boys being in that class too.
Henry’s mom, “Jane,” works full-time, so while I met her a few times off and on over the years, usually her children were with their nanny. Ryan just loves playing with Henry, and vice-versa. Henry invited Ryan to his birthday party a few months ago, and they just had a blast.
Jane asked if Ryan was going to the pre-school over the summer, and when I told her no, we decided they have so much fun together, we had to get them together to play. Not to mention that Cole and Ella are almost the same age too. We decided to meet up today for a swim play-date, at one of the kiddie pools in town.
I usually am not shy about meeting people, or hanging out with people. I have talked to Jane over the years, but not a lot. Even at Henry’s birthday, obviously she was busy with all the party activities and guests, but we did manage to talk there more than we ever have. I was nervous about today though, and the reason why- THE SWIM SUIT.
On Saturday night at 9 p.m., I realized I had better decide what bathing suit I was going to wear. Last time I checked, I had four of them- no problem. I was sure one of them would fit. I found out that two of them I used right after I had Cole, so they were too big. Yay- nice problem to have. Until I tried on the other two, and realized they were too small. Nothing like trying to talk to someone and get to know them, while you are basically in nothing more than your underwear, which is too small at that.
I debated to go too big, but they just looked awful on me. I looked like I was pregnant, and was trying to hide my body. Of course, I am trying to hide my body, (at least my hips) but I didn’t want to look like I was. So I opted for one, that if I lost 3 pounds, it would have been perfect. As it was, it is a tankini, which the bottoms ended just at the top of my “mama pooch,” and the top ended right a the top of it as well. So I had a swimsuit that highlighted what should never be highlighted, “mama tummy.” Great. At least the bottoms hid my hips. I was really close to running out to see if I could get a new suit, but realized most the stores would already be closed. I vowed to get a new suit on Monday.
We met Henry, Jane, and Ella at the pool. We didn’t realize the pool didn’t open when we thought it did- it opened an hour later, but there was a playground, so the kids were fine. Once the pool opened, the boys were in heaven. They loved the shallow water, and the sprinklers that shot up out of the ground to play in.
Jane and I got some more chances to talk and to visit, but we were busy keeping an eye on our little ones. Fortunately Ryan and Henry were tall enough to stand in the deepest part of the pool- 2 feet 8 inches, so they had a great time playing in the “deep end.”
Ryan was so excited when he came in for a snack- he kept saying he was swimming in the deep end. We stayed for two hours. Jane and I decided that we must come back and bring a lunch, so the kids could play even more. We had so much fun.
Ella really liked Ryan. She wanted to play with him, and sit by him. It was really cute. She didn’t even hardly notice Cole. When we were leaving though, Cole gave her a hug, and she looked at him like it was the first time she saw him all day. Maybe they are too young still to be friends, but Jane and I both agreed that our second child, just didn’t seem to get the same amount of play time with other kids, that our first child did. So, we are hoping we can change that.
Ryan and Cole had so much fun, Joe is going to take them back to the pool this week, while he is on vacation.
As I was driving home, I realized that I didn’t think once about my bathing suit during the morning, and no one else there cared either. No one had a perfect body- we were all parents, having fun with our kids. I don’t need that new suit after all.
Oh, You Have All Boys
I have heard the above phrase so many times, since having my second son, two years ago. It seems like whenever I meet anyone, naturally, one of the questions that comes up, is if we have kids, (yes), and then, their ages (4.5 & 2 years), and then what gender they are (both boys). Then comes the, “Oh, you have all boys.”
Sometimes it is said with a hint of surprise on the “Oh,” as if I am fibbing and I couldn’t possibly have two boys. But more often than not, the “Oh,” is usually said in a low tone, with a pause before continuing on. I can’t really tell if this is meant as sympathy, or disappointment, or a combination of both. I’m not sure why people who question me on this in the first place, can’t just say something like, “congratulations,” or “how nice,” and have to make an unenthusiastic statement about having all boys as my children.
Not to compare, but I have yet to hear anyone tell a mother of all girls, “Oh, you have all girls,” in the sympathy/disappointment tone, reserved for the mothers of all boys. (I’m not saying this never happens, just that I haven’t heard it happen). When I have heard mothers say they have all girls, or even one boy and one girl, the response is excitement and happiness. Somewhere along they way, people have decided that having all boys is a gloomy and subdued situation to be in.
As the boys get older, it seems like more and more people point out to me, that I have two boys. Complete strangers feel OK with coming up and telling me, “Oh, you have all boys,” in that tone- uh, yes I do, thanks for the newsflash.
I understand that most people probably would like the experience of having both boys and girls as children, but when this isn’t the case, why does having all boys become a negative thing?
Of course I am partial, but I adore my two boys. They are brothers, and will always have each other in life, no matter what. My brother wished his entire life that he had a brother. I think he still does, and he is almost 40. He instead, grew up with three sisters. I remember people telling my mom that it was too bad one of us girls wasn’t a boy, so my brother would have another boy to play with.
So I guess two or more boys aren’t always thought of as negative, but only if there are girls in the mix, and as long as there isn’t only one boy in a family with all sisters. It just strikes me as a very odd trait in our society that people make comments like this, when there is no control over it. Having a baby isn’t like ordering a pizza. You don’t pick up the phone and call God, or the Stork, or the Baby Fairy and say, “Hi there, I’d like to order a large-no make that a medium sized baby- I get three features? Okay, then make it a girl, with green eyes, and brown curly hair.”
I don’t understand why people comment on the gender of your children, and in my case, it is far more negative comments than positive ones. Having two boys is a blessing. Having any child is. We are so fortunate that we have two healthy, happy, smart, funny, and loving children that happen to be boys.
Usually the comments don’t bother me, but I wonder in this day and age, when we can embrace so many differences, people still feel a need to make underhanded comments about the gender of children? Being a mother of two boys or all boys is a challenge. But so is being a mother to all girls, or the mother to boys and girls. It is just a different set of challenges.
Being a parent is hard- but it can be even harder when you receive negative innuendos about your children’s gender. Maybe just hearing these over and over again, has worn me down. Maybe I should have a tougher skin. So I am curious if other parents have also experienced negative comments about their chidren’s gender?