This past week, I ran 20 miles!  If someone had told me in September, when I started running for one race,  I’d run 20 miles -ever- I would have laughed!

I ran two times this week under five miles, once at 6.2 miles (a 10K distance) and I ran the longest distance I have ever run, at 8 miles.  I was really happy with the 10K distance run.  My time on that was 1:01.  I ran this outside in a lot of mud at a park.  At first I didn’t want to get mud all over me, but after a mile I figured why not, and had fun running through the muck.  I have been wondering if I am going to be able to run my first 10K, the Bolder Boulder, in May sub 68 minutes, and it gave me a lot of confidence today that I will be able to.   

Physically, I’m a little tired but not as much as I thought I would be.  After Ryan was born, I had some funky hip pain that lasted for about 6 months.  I had an MRI done on it, and the doctor told me sometimes after pregnancy the muscles and ligaments never quite get back to “normal.”  He predicted the pain would go away, and few weeks later it did.  However, when I was running the 8 miles, I felt that exact same pain start.  I did a few stretches and used the foam roller on the spot and that seemed to help, but I still feel it slightly.  I am hoping it is a “running” pain and it will work itself out, as I keep running longer distances. 

This week I also got a Garmin Forerunner 405.  I used it today for the first time, and I think I am in love.  For the first time, I can see how fast I’m running each mile, my pacing, and I don’t have to worry about knowing the distances ahead of time.  Today I ran my fastest mile in mile 5, which was kind of a surprise for me.  I can download all the information to my computer to keep better track of my workouts.  I am going to be reviewing it shortly, after I have used it more. 

I am going to keep increasing my distances every week.   From what I have read, usually it is not recommended to increase distance by more than 10% at a time to avoid injuries.  I am really happy I had such a productive running week, and am hoping it will all pay off in April.  My dad has been training to run in a 5K with me, and we are going to do one mid-April.  I am so proud of how hard he has been working, and I know he will do great.  I am going to go for my personal best time for a 5K so that means under 27 minutes. 

This next month, I am going to run farther, run a little harder, and run a little faster.  I think if I do these things, I’ll be able to reach my goal.  I reached one this week I never imagined myself reaching, and it is just the start. 

Don’t bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors.
Try to be better than yourself.
–William Faulkner

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On Monday afternoon, my siblings and I found out that my mom was in the intensive care unit, in serious condition in Minnesota. We were told her condition was worsening, so my sister Mara and I decided to go to Minnesota.  We arrived on Wednesday. 

Three days later, I’m sitting next to my mom in her hospital room while she sleeps, writing this.  My mom is dying and is not going to recover. The only option available would extend her life by a maximum of 3 months, and she would be in the hospital, connected to machines. Yesterday my Aunt Laura (who is a nurse), Mara, my mom and myself talked.  My mom knows her condition but how do you just decide you are done?  How do you tell your children that you want to die?  Laura says it is very rare when someone can make that decision-fully conscious and aware like my mom is- she said it is normally just too difficult. 

Laura and my mom have been friends (not just sister-in-laws) for over 30 years.  Laura said the words that we could not- she spoke aloud what needed to be said, but we couldn’t say, “…you aren’t going to get better, and you are going to die.” 

After that Mara and I talked to my mom.  She was considering the alternative option that would give her a few more weeks, but would only be delaying the inevitable.  I don’t think anything has ever been as hard, as the conversation that followed that Mara and I had with my mom.

A bit later her doctor returned to tell her he could set up the treatment, and my mom, in a strong voice told him no.  She told him in the days she had left, she didn’t want to be on machines, with tubes in her body.  She wanted to be comfortable and pain free, surrounded by her family.  Her doctor agreed this was the best option, and she had made a wise decision. 

This afternoon my mom’s wishes will be carried out, and she is moving to a highly recommended hospice. We will be with her in the hospice.  They will allow us to bring her two cats in to visit my mom.  They will cook anything she likes, and she will be pain free, and comfortable.

The last few days have been mainly a blur.  I am so emotionally and mentally drained- I’m just in hospital mode.  My sister and I feel like we have been here for months- not days.  We knew “one day” this would happen, but I don’t think you can ever be prepared for this. 

All of my mom’s friends, and co-workers have been by to see her, and they are amazing.  They have told us how much they adore my mom, and what a wonderful and loving person she is.  They have brought my family much comfort and their kindness has touched us all. 

Our family and friends have been so wonderful as well- they step in when we can’t.  I honestly don’t know what we would have done if Laura hadn’t come.  We didn’t ask her- she just booked a ticket and came.   My sister-in-law, Kat, is taking care of us.  She makes sure we eat, she drives us where we need to go (directions are not Mara and I’s strong point), and she makes my mom laugh.  Our friends back home have sent fruit baskets, flowers, directions when we are lost, advice, and support.  One friend is coming in tonight to help Mara and I in these final days, when Laura has to go home.  My mom’s hospital roommate has bonded with our family, and she has said our mom is her hero.  Old friends of my mom that we haven’t heard from in years are calling and offering their support.  My mom has commented so many times in the last few days that she never knew so many people cared about her.  We are all so grateful for all of the love, support, and help all our family and friends have shown our family.

My mom has a few days left to live, and this time with her is precious and a gift.  We have had many good moments and conversations already.  She has talked to her grandchildren on the phone, and has been able to hear their voices one last time. 

We only get one chance to do this.  While the emotions are extremely difficult, I feel it will be a true blessing to be with my mom when the time comes for her to pass away.  I am very grateful I get this final block of time to love my mom, and say good-bye.

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“To get to the finish line, you’ll have to try lots of different paths.”
- Amby Burfoot

My shin pain has finally healed, but it hasn’t been easy or quick. Despite resting for most of November, I still had shin pain.  I was pretty much sick with bronchitis for most of the month of December, and I thought after a few weeks of rest, the shin pain would be gone.  But the opposite was happening.

The more I rested, the pain would go away for a day, but as soon as I went on a walk or a light jog the pain would return.  I have read so many articles on shin splints, shin pain, etc., I am like a walking encyclopedia on the subject now.   I tried countless stretches and different running techniques trying to heal them.  While some of these things helped, nothing really “cured” them for good or stopped the pain completely. 

My friend, Alison, recommended a foam roller to me in November, but I had been too busy to get around to ordering one.  I finally did a few weeks ago, and experienced pain using it on my shins that brings tears to my eyes, just thinking about it now. (She warned me it was going to hurt at first!)  But after using it for about five minutes (that was all I could stand), I noticed the deep muscle pain I had around my shins seemed a lot better.  The next morning the pain was almost gone.  That had been the most relief I had experienced up to that point.  

Another friend suggested a walking / light running plan after the shin pain had stopped, and I credit that plan with not only keeping me in the game so to speak, but helping me improve.  I was able to walk and run while I healed, and was doing the 5K distance faster than I had been able to run it previously.  It was really amazing to see that my body was capable of performing like that, but it hardly felt like any work at all.

About two weeks ago, after going for a run on my lunch hour, I had immediate shin pain- again.  I was frustrated why the pain seemed to be gone at times, only to return at other times.  I kept using the foam roller, and worked up to using it for 15 minutes at a time, and the pain was no longer deep- but just more on the surface.  After I was done with the roller, there was no pain at all in my shins.   I started to wonder if it had something to do more with my muscles being weak in my shins.

I came across a very short video a few days later, that has no medical backing whatsoever, but what the person was saying, seemed like it made sense.  They said shin splints and pain in the shins is simply a muscle imbalance.  In short, the shin muscles are not as strong as the calf muscles. They suggested a very simple stretch for five minutes a day, which would strengthen the shin muscles. I figured trying it once couldn’t hurt anything.

Like the foam roller, the stretch hurt!  I was hitting my pillow the last few minutes, but when I was done, there was no pain at all!  Not even light pain.  I was amazed.  I wondered if it was a fluke, but the next day my shins felt wonderful.  I tried the stretch again, and it didn’t hurt quite as bad, and I had the same results. Not only was the pain gone, it wasn’t coming back.  This was right around Christmas, and I have been doing the stretch every other day or so, and I haven’t had any shin pain at all!  Sometimes after running the muscles are tight around my shins, but a few minutes with the foam roller works the tightness out.   I know not everything works for everybody, but this simple stretch, along with the foam roller, really helped relieve my shin pain. 

I also started working with some visualization techniques and started doing more mental preparation.  I realized that I could be in the best physical shape, but if my outlook and thoughts weren’t “in shape,” too, my physical condition will only get me so far.  So much of running success is connected to my thoughts, as I am learning. 

After this work for the last two months, I have decided I am ready to try another 5K race and it is tomorrow.  Alison is going to run in it as well!  It is going to be cold.  It just snowed here, and there is likely to be ice and snow, but I’ve been running for the last few weeks in these conditions.  Yak Trax had been suggested to me several times, and I got a pair last week.  They work awesome on the snow and ice! 

I went on a pre-race run the other day, with the path almost completely covered in snow and ice- most of it wasn’t even plowed or shoveled.  It was impossible to get any kind of pacing down, because it was so uneven and rough.  I am pretty certain the actual race course won’t be this bad, because it is through a town, where most of the streets will at least be paved.  My time for the 5K distance on this run was 29:16. Other than the last 5K race I did this was my second best time ever! 

I have rested, I have rebuilt, and I found my path back.  Now it is time to put it all together and run!  

And I couldn’t be happier.

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I have chosen up to this point not to write about any aspects of my divorce.  I have had many reasons for choosing not to write about this subject.  Many of those reasons are still in place, and one of these reasons was, I didn’t see what good or what positive aspects could come from blogging about a divorce. 

This past Christmas was the first Christmas where Ryan and Cole’s time was divided between their father and I.  It was also the last holiday, since we have been apart, that we had to face, and also it is the “biggest.”  Christmas is all the holidays rolled into one, and then some- especially for children.  My boys start asking in July when Christmas is coming.  As a parent, there is nothing quite like seeing your children’s face’s light up with excitement on Christmas morning when they see the tree and the presents under it.  It is the epitome of childhood.

And the fact of being divorced is, one parent isn’t going to experience that every year.  Some divorced parents switch off years,  and some divide the time.  We decided to try to keep things as they had been in the past this year, so the boys spent Christmas Eve with me, and my family.   Ryan and Cole got to visit with my mom, who lives out of state, and their great-grandpa, who moved to Colorado this year.  Their two teen-aged cousins wrestled and rough-housed with them, which they loved and they helped them make a gingerbread house.  Of course there were a lot of presents, but for the first time, I noticed the boys were more interested in playing with people than playing with the gifts all night.   Their dad came and got them later at night on Christmas Eve, and then the boys spent Christmas with him and his family. 

After the boys had left my aunt’s house on Christmas Eve, I cried.  I haven’t cried over any holiday, but there was something very isolating, and hollow not having my children with me for this holiday.  My tears didn’t last long, because I knew the boys were going to have fun, and they were fine.  They were excited about Santa coming in the morning.  It obviously helped that I was around my immediate family too. 

On Christmas Day, I missed the boys terribly.  I imagined they were having fun, and that is what mattered.  That evening the boys called me and my heart melted when Ryan excitedly told me on the phone, “Mom, I had the best day!”  He explained what he had done, and the gifts he had received.  A part of me was sad, because I had not been a part of his day, but he was happy.  He wasn’t sad, asking where I had been, or why we couldn’t be together, or any of those type of things.  I talked to Cole, and he was happy and excited too. 

The good I think can come from sharing this experience is, despite the difficulties divorce brings, especially with children, all that mattered on Christmas was that Ryan and Cole were happy, and had the best Christmas ever.  Perhaps that says something about our Christmases past, but I think it says more about all the members of the families involved- on both sides.  All the grandparents, all the aunts, all the uncles, and all of the cousins. 

When my children are grown, I don’t want them to look back at the holidays and remember “that was my year with Mom, or that was my year with Dad.”  I want them to remember the joy, the happiness, the excitement, and the love they received from and felt for their families.  I know that was accomplished throughout the last year, and especially this Christmas Eve and Christmas. 

Thank you to all members of both Ryan and Cole’s family for this.  It could have been a very hard holiday for them, but it wasn’t.  It was magical and loving for them- just as it should be.

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Last year my sister, Mara, who is a second grade teacher at a very impoverished school outside of Denver, had her students write a letter to Santa Claus.  She had never done this before, and was expecting typical requests from eight and nine year-olds.  The letters were anything but typical- they were heartbreaking.  She sent an e-mail to her family and friends with some of the requests, asking if there was any way we could help out these kids.

The letter that touched me the most last year was from a little boy who asked Santa for “socks with no holes in them.”  I posted her letter in a blog post, and asked my readers if they could help.  The response was overwhelming, and you can read about it here, if you missed it. 

Last year, Sergeant Alex from Buckley Air Force Base read about these kids on my blog, and showed up with four other officers with presents for these children.  Many readers sent gift cards and care packages- people that had never met these kids or my sister.  Family and friends in the area helped as well, with the result of every child in my sister’s class having a Christmas they never expected and will never forget.  

This year the entire second grade has written letters, and my sister has decided to try to make sure every child in her school’s second grade receives not only the items they need, like “socks with no holes,” but also a fun toy. 

Sgt. Alex, along with other Air Force officers and their families have already offered to help out, but there are 110 children in second grade, in a school that has several homeless kids, and where over 95%  of the students qualify for the reduced and free lunch program.  Some of the letters are even more desperate than they were last year.  Here are some of the requests, as the children wrote them:

“I nide food for my famli beause my dad has a boss woo doesnt want him to work anymor.”

“…a penciles and an eraser because I have none.”

“…two pair of shoos because my are ripet on the botom. I also need a bed because I never had one.”

“……I need some new sock and shoes because mine sock are riped back at home.”

“…I would please like to have some more frute and some glofs because I did not have some before.”

and the request that made me tear up:

“…I don’t want nothing but my sider needs a coat.”

I imagine my own two boys and how they love each other, and when one of them is hurt or upset, it pains the other one.  I can only imagine how sad and desperate this child feels to have to watch her sister go without a coat. 

Here is the information if you can help, as stated by my sister:

We’ll take anything EXCEPT cash/checks. Gift cards to Wal-Mart would be the most helpful because we could trade them in for gifts and the Wal-Mart here in Commerce City gives us tax-exempt status. We’d also love any chapter books, school supplies, etc. I will take care of making sure every child in the entire 2nd grade will get something new this Christmas.

Please send what you can to:

Alsup Elementary School
c/o Mara Corzine
7101 Birch Street
Commerce City, CO 80022

Again, thank you for caring about these kids. Anything you can send us will be greatly appreciated!! Let’s show these kids that people do care about them and that they matter!!

If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment and I will respond.  I’ll be writing an update when we go shopping for the kids again, and this year I hope to be able to be there the day the kids receive their gifts. It was the highlight of my Christmas last year, and I want to see the look on the little’s girl face when she sees that her “sider” finally has a coat!

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