Boston Marathon 2013

I’ve not written about running for a while. I still run- several miles a week, but I’ve not been running races or training for a specific race or distance.

The past few years I’ve loved keeping up with the Boston Marathon- I loved watching the winners and following the people I know locally or my running friends I’ve made on Daily Mile, and I’ve always had tabs on a few people who were running it. Last night I saw a few friends give out their bib numbers, so I texted in, to receive their updates by text, and it was fun to be able to see their progress today via text messages.

I was really happy for my friends, to see they finished in the 3 hour ranges- that isn’t an easy feat to do at all, and I was sure they would be happy with their performances!  My son is home sick today, and we have a snowstorm in Colorado. I was working at home, and checked the weather to see how much snow we were supposed to get. I saw the red banner on the top of the news site: 2 Bomb Explosions at the Finish Line at the Boston Marathon. It almost seemed like a prank- another unimaginable act of violence, that was now real.

I knew my friends had finished, when this happened, and I heard later they were safe.  But after seeing the pictures, the videos, and hearing the accounts, there are many people who weren’t safe.  There are those who died- actually died- by either just going out and running, or supporting someone who was.  Hundreds of others injured, including loss of limbs.

Anyone who runs, knows what kind of devotion, training, and dedication it takes, to run a marathon.  To know some of these runners who lost their lives, or who may never be able to run again- it is just heartbreaking.

Running really helped me get my life back on track after cancer.  It kept the focus of my being “sick” and helped me focus on what I could do- not what I couldn’t. It played a key part in my recovery- physically and emotionally.  I vowed one day, I wanted to run a marathon, and one day I would run the Boston Marathon.  Even though I’ve not been able to do that- yet- it is still a goal- often in the back of my mind, when I run.

After today, it seems like we have lost another piece of innocence- another thing that will never be quite the same. We run, we train, we try our best, to be the best we can be, and now- we are not safe when we want to have that day, that race- to give it our all, and see what we we can really do, under the highest stress and when we push our hardest.

But the biggest surprise I think we saw today, is what we are made of, shone through in the chaos, smoke, and blood.  When bystanders, police, fire fighters, medics, doctors, race officials, parents, friends, family members, runners, and strangers ran not away from the smoke, and chaos, but into it- to help.  It showed, we don’t need a race to be the best we can be. After all these awful acts of violence- no one knows for sure what is coming next- people still didn’t hesitate, and put their lives on the line to help.  How many lives or limbs saved, from these unselfish acts from others today? We may never know, but we know among the horrific events, we saw the best of the human spirit rise up today.

I came across this quote years ago- when I was in the midst of my cancer recovery.  It inspired me then, and now when I run. I hope by sharing it- it helps, all of us- runners and non- runners.  As we saw today, all we really have- when it counts- is each other.

“I run because I can. When I get tired, I remember those who can’t run, what they’d give to have this simple gift I take for granted, and I run harder for them. I know they would do the same for me.” – Anonymous

Wanted For Christmas-Socks With No Holes: Five Years Later

Five years ago, my sister, Mara, sent me an email about her second grade students, in an impoverished school. She sent some of their letters they had written to Santa. The letters were heartbreaking- kids were asking not for phones, X-Boxes, or video games. They wanted coats, food, jobs for their parents, and the one request that went straight to my heart from the little boy, who only asked for “socks with no holes in them.”

She asked me if I could post her request for donations on my blog, so she could help give these kids some sort of a Christmas. It was the least I could do.

A few weeks later, Mara, told me excitedly that one of the officers, Seargent Alex, at Buckley Air Force Base in Aurora, CO had read my blog post regarding her school, responded to the call, and the officers and their families in his unit, were “adopting” her classroom, to bring these students gifts. Mara didn’t originally get the first message he left for her at the school. It was a bad connection and she couldn’t make out the number he had left. I wrote another post, asking if Seargent Alex was still reading my blog, to please call Mara again- she needed the help. He ended up seeing the post, and contacted her again. He put in effort to make this happen.

I remember feeling amazed, happy, and proud, that the few minutes I took to post her request on my blog- someone who wanted to help, reached out and helped children who otherwise would not have a Christmas- have a day they would never forget.

It was a particularly bright moment for me, because at the time, my marriage was crumbling, for a variety of reasons. I remember telling my now ex-husband about Mara’s room, the gifts, about Seargent Alex finding my blog, and all the help his unit was giving Mara’s classroom. He looked at me and said, “Who would ever want to read your blog? Don’t they have anything better to do in the Air Force?” Anyone who writes, knows you put a lot of yourself into your writing, and it hurt to hear that.  But, I was determined to stay focused on the positive-someone had read the post, and wanted to help.  I knew Seargent Alex had read my blog-of course he had better things to do, but this was important to him, as it was to me.

Over the years, I’ve helped Mara shop for the kids, posted the blog story again and again, help her with the drive, answer emails- anything she asked me, I tried to help out with the best I could. I have helped her do everything but actually show up on the day. I was always working. I wanted to take Ryan and Cole with me, but they were always in school.

This year, Ryan and Cole’s school was out a few days before Mara’s gift drive for her kids. I decided to just make it happen. I asked Mara what else her class needed and she said pencil sharpeners. Her kids only have 1 or 2 pencils, and if the lead breaks at home, they don’t do their homework. When she has given them mechanical pencils, their older siblings take them, because they don’t have pencils. So Ryan, Cole, and I got on Amazon, and picked out a bulk package of pencil sharpeners. It came to a whole $6. Ryan and Cole split the cost, and paid for them out of their allowance.

Yesterday, we finally got to Mara’s room for the gift drive. Ryan and Cole started handing out the sharpeners. We had enough to give each student 3. The kids were squealing and saying, “These are so cool,” like they were receiving something much more than a small pencil sharpener. They started changing the lids around to make a “Bronco” sharpener- blue and orange. Ryan came over to whisper to me, “they are so happy, Mom, over a pencil sharpener.” I told him yes, and he helped make them happy.

Ryan playing Santa

Ryan playing Santa

The four officers from Buckley Air Force, who came that first year, with Seargent Alex, with gifts for my sister’s class, has grown since that first year in 2008.  Yesterday there were more than 30 Air Force Officers, at the school for gifts for the ENTIRE second grade. They had coats, mittens, toys, food, smiles, hugs, and love for these kids. I never would have imagined that afternoon; a simple blog post could have grown into something that it has.

I found out from Mara too, that Seargent Alex is no longer in active duty. I was sad to hear that, and sad I was never able to meet him. But then she said, “But he’s here today. He comes every year, and still helps out. He’s here with his wife and toddler son.”

For the first time yesterday, I met Seargent Alex. He said he had been looking for a way to help, people who really needed it, and it was actually difficult to do so! He said he had checked with various organizations, and they all asked him to just drop off a check. But he wanted to actually do something. He said he came across my blog then, and knew he had to call Mara. I thanked him, for all of this over the years, and he thanked me for writing the post.

Sargent Alex and I, 12.20.12

Sargent Alex and I, 12.20.12

For me, it has come full circle.  I set out to help Mara five years ago- never expecting anything to come from it like this, it has ended up helping me. Just always knowing one person like the “Seargent Alex’s” of the world are out there, willing, able, and lovingly ready to help. When people tell you what you do, will never make a difference, Mara’s gift drive for her second grade students, the people like Seargent Alex, and all the people from family, to friends, to strangers, who help, proves that wrong, every year. It keeps growing, and the generosity keeps growing every year too.

Tears were brought to my eyes yesterday, as I was standing by the cutest little girl, Joselyn.  She opened her box with a coat, gloves, and a hat. She hugged her box. She smiled. Then she asked if we could wrap it back up for her, so she could have something to open on Christmas Day. Ryan and Cole heard this, and their eyes grew wide. I told her “of course, sweetie.” Ryan took the box from her, Mara got the wrapping paper, and Cole got the tape. Ryan, Cole, and I, rewrapped that present with probably more love, than I have ever wrapped a present before. The boys found a candy cane for her, and helped me tape it to the box. Ryan told me, “Now she will have a candy cane on Christmas morning too.” Ryan and Cole both walked the gift back to her, and she was smiling from ear to ear. Just doing that simple thing- made a difference for her.

All Smiles from Joselyn!

All Smiles from Joselyn!

We all have struggles, problems, things we wish were different in our life circumstances, but a lot of us have a coat, and our kids have coats. We don’t worry where our next meal is coming from. We can put gifts under the tree for our kids. It might not be the iMac Pro Laptop Ryan wanted, but he doesn’t have one present he has to rewrap to open again.

It did all of our hearts good, and definitely opened Ryan and Cole’s eyes to different circumstances people live with. What they saw and witnessed yesterday- is the real meaning of Christmas. Not what you get, but what you can do for others, and how you make them feel.

Thank you Mara, for letting us be a part of this, and thank you to everyone who helps out every year.

And, thank you Seargent Alex- your kindness and actions have helped more than just second graders. The world definitely is a lot brighter for us this Christmas.

Merry Christmas to all my readers and their families!

Sandy Hook

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Photo Credit: Gamma Gallery

I have barely read any of the developments on Sandy Hook.  I can’t.  It’s too horrific for me to digest right now. I know the basic details, but wish I didn’t.

Ryan and Cole were with their father this weekend, but Ryan asked me over the phone on Friday night, if I had heard what happened, and I was saddened he knew about this.  Tonight, when we got home, Ryan asked me what would happen if that happened at his school-what if someone comes in and does that? I could see the uncertainty in his eyes.

I told him everything I had read you are “supposed” to tell kids, but the words sounded hollow, as they came out of my mouth.  Reassurances didn’t sound very convincing either, because something like this should have never happened, but it did.  What can be more gruesome, disturbing, and evil than the countless mass murder of innocent little children, in their classrooms?

I told my sons things like this are very, very, rare.  But something inside of me felt like I needed to tell them more- not just “everything will be fine”, and they will always be safe, because what just happened in our country on Friday, in small town-America, in one of our schools, where the inconceivable became conceivable, then yes, it is possible it can happen again.  I know we all pray, wish, hope, and talk about change, to prevent it again, but it is our reality now.

I took a deep breath and felt my world, and the world of my boys’ change forever- another piece of innocence gone.  I hugged Ryan and Cole as tight as I could and I told them,

“If someone ever comes in your school, or class, to hurt you, you think.  Listen to your teacher, but also be smart. If your teacher is gone, try to hide, if you can’t and someone is right there to hurt you with a gun, lie down on the floor. Get under a desk, close your eyes and play dead. If you look like you are dead, sometimes people who do this, leave you alone. If you see someone in your school that doesn’t belong, or scares you, tell a grown-up you know right away.  Most people do not want to hurt children and teachers, but it is OK for us to talk about this, and OK for you to keep telling me your thoughts. We will talk about it, and work on it so you guys feel safe.”

And then I hugged them again.  And they hugged me back.

Was that the “right” thing to say to them? I don’t know.  I never, never, never, in a million years thought when I was holding my newborn babies, and looking in their little eyes, and holding their little hands, I’d ever have to have a conversation like this, with them. They don’t exactly cover having to talk to your kids about something of this magnitude in parenting magazines.  But I want to keep them safe.  I would rather them know a few things they could do- maybe they would have half a chance-maybe not.  When these madmen are bent on taking lives, they usually succeed.

But as we found out on Friday, and as we all try to figure this out, one thing I know for us, is pretending things like this don’t happen, aren’t an option anymore.

(The picture at the top of this post is by Gamma from Gamma Gallery- an artist in Longmont, Colorado- where we used to live. I saw this, and I think it speaks the words, no one can really find to say).

 

 

Aurora, Colorado Shooting- Our Future?

I’ve not been blogging much these days. I’ve been busy working, moving, and being a mom.  Things have been going well, and while I hope to blog more, it has moved to the back burner in my life right now. 

This morning though, as I drove to work and heard the news emerge on the mass shooting in Aurora, Colorado, the state where we live, my heart sank.

How can you even write about such a senseless loss of innocent life? My boys dream of being firemen and police officers.  Is this what they have to look forward to? Are these the kind of calls the future holds for our children? My boys are already growing up in a world where they can’t attend school, travel, or now go to a movie without the threat of being killed.  When something this tragic happens, we all ask “Why?” and assume life will return to “normal.” Sadly, it seems our “normal” is being lost to these random, but planned acts of violence.   

There are are far too many questions than answers.  When I talked to my boys this morning (they are with their dad for a few days), my heart felt lighter. As they talked about their previous day at Water World (a water park) with their cousins, there is comfort in knowing their innocence is not gone-yet.  I can’t say- much longer that will last. After the events last night, I’m sad it will probably be sooner than later. 

My sympathies to all the families and victims of this horrible shooting.  Thanks to all the police, firefighters, first responders, and medical providers. These people are the heroes- the people who put their own lives in danger, going into the unknown to stop the chaos, and to save lives.  Finally, thank you to just the regular people, who tried to help their fellow human beings survive and get out of the theater. 

 As terrible as all of this is, when we try to help each other and do the right thing, despite madness and violence, that defines our humanity- not these acts of violence.  Humanity isn’t completely gone from our society.  Strangers reaching out and helping one another in horrific circumstances.    That is hope- that is our future.    

“God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us – in the dreariest and most dreaded moments – can see a possibility of hope.”  ~Maya Angelou

Good-Bye Whitney Houston

I grew up listening to Whitney Houston. It was sad, and sadly, not a huge shock, to hear of her untimely death yesterday.  She had such a powerful and astounding voice, never duplicated. I think one of the tragic things is someone so talented, probably didn’t have to die. Unfortunately, these types of deaths are way to common today.  Back in the day, she would have never seemed like a person who would succumb to addictions.

But addictions claim the lives of of thousands and thousands people every day.  We all know of someone who is or has suffered from addictions.  I think when someone famous dies, it brings it closer to home- if it can happen to them, it can happen to anyone.

Still, her voice and spirit will live on in her music.  My favorite song of hers is One Moment In Time.  For me, it captures the hopes and dreams we all have at one time or another, for our lives.

As I was driving today, some of her great songs ran through my mind, and I made them into a short paragraph:

One moment in time, didn’t we almost have it all- the greatest love of all. All at once, I’m every woman, you give good love.  How will I know, I wanna dance with somebody. I have nothing, where do broken hearts go,  I will always love you.

Below is Whitney Houston singing live, One Moment In Time at the 1988 Grammys.  I think it is one of the best live performances I’ve ever heard.

RIP  Whitney Houston- thanks for the timeless songs, and sharing your amazing voice.

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