As a girl, I loved Wonder Woman.  Compare these two pictures.  Wonder Woman as I remember her:

There are a lot of reasons why- from having time with my kids, work schedule, having my house on the market, recovering from injuries, and surgery, managing my health, eliminating stress, the weather, to not enough hours in the day. It is hard when there is that thing you really like to do, but it seems like everything else has to come before it.

This is where I have been for several months.  I have felt fortunate if I could fit a short run in, over my lunch time, a few times a week. The past few weeks, I have really started to notice I have been missing the longer runs, and pushing myself.  I feel like I haven’t been doing any runs that are challenging- like I’ve hit a plateau.

A few weekends ago, I decided I was going to get back on track, and while camping with my family, I decided to go on a run.  This was at 8,900 feet. It was the middle of the afternoon and it was hot.  I didn’t know how far I would even be able to run, since I’ve not been able to keep up my distance runs.  I decided to just go- and see where I ended up.

I ran along the forest road, and there was a creek I followed for a while.  There were hills.  There was an occasional car that would drive by, but other than that, I only heard my breathing, the sound of my shoes hitting the rocks, and the water from the creek.

Every time I finished one hill, there would be another.  It wasn’t quite the trail I had been hoping for, but I pushed on.  The first mile seemed to take forever.  When I had finished it, 11 minutes had passed.  Considering how many hills there were, I didn’t think that was too bad.  I decided to see if I could run another mile.  The trail flattened out, or at least the hills weren’t as steep for most of the second mile.  As I finished the second mile, I was getting tired, but wanted to go another half mile, so at the end I would have ran 5 miles.

As I turned the bend, with a third of a mile to go, there was the steepest hill yet!  It struck me how much running and life go hand in hand out there, on the hot, isolated trail.  Just when you think you are done with the steep hills, another one can pop up- seemingly out of nowhere, to throw you the most difficult obstacle yet.  I knew if I had seen that hill before I decided to continue, I would have turned back. I considered turning back, but that spark and determination I find so often when I run, kicked in.

I started up the hill, and half way up, it didn’t seem that hard.  Another life lesson- sometimes things seem harder than they really are, until you just start to work on them.  Before I knew it, I was running down the hill, and had hit my 2.5 mile mark.  I turned around, and ran right back up the hill, which my Garmin told me was a 13% incline.  The hill didn’t seem as hard, and I was rewarded with a lot downhill time on the run back.

I was in mile four, when I caught up with the creek again. It sounded louder- almost like it was cheering.  Or it was me hearing that, because I was really cheering myself on.

I hadn’t run this far or at this level in almost a year, but yet I was out on one of the hardest runs I’ve ever done, and I was minutes away from finishing.   As I finished the run, I was reminded why I had missed longer runs so much.

Running mirrors life.  There are ups, downs, successes, failures, pain, elation, unexpected twists, turns, hills, and obstacles.  As you run and mange these, you gain a new perspective. With every hill you run up, and then run down, you are reminded of what lies within- strength, determination, hope, and accomplishment.

I wasn’t focusing on the time, but I was hoping with all things considered, I would finish in an hour.  I finished the run in 55 minutes.  My last mile was the fastest one- at 10:24.

I went and sat in the cold creek with my kids, who had been playing in the water with their grandpa and cousin.   As I watched them play, and felt the cold water rush over my legs, I felt another feeling I often gain with running- peace.

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I’ve signed up for my first race in almost a year on Labor Day. It is 5 miles.  While I have run a 9K race before, (5.5 miles), the 5 mile distance will be a bit more challenging for me this time since I haven’t had a lot of training time to build up my mileage.  Before the mountain trail run, my goal was to finish in 50 minutes or so.  I am pretty confident I can finish around this time, and I do like to race, to see how fast I can run.

I am happy to be back racing, and am going to focus more on the run itself- the sights, the sounds, my breathing, and the fact that after all of it- I’m strong, healthy, and still running.

The hardest moment for me was when I was in the pre-op bed, with the IV in waiting for the surgery to start. In the hospital bed like that, I felt sick.  I missed Ryan and Cole so much.  A lot of memories of surgery and cancer came back to me.  I knew this wasn’t cancer, but those “what-ifs” seem to have a way of creeping in.  I was going to be unconscious during the surgery, and that made me nervous.  I also saw my chart binder with my last name, and it reminded me of seeing that binder when I was in the hospital with my mom before she passed away.  I missed her a lot yesterday.

But my family and friends had called and texted me before the surgery, and I knew they were thinking of me.  I was able to mentally make the shift that I was not sick, this was a preventative surgery, and it would be better I was asleep during the surgery.

A day after, I hope this was the last surgery I will ever have to have.  As I wrote in my last post, I have made a few changes in my life, to work on keeping my stress down.  It takes a conscious effort, but I definitely do not want to get any more cancers, or abnormal cells that could develop into cancer.

I have received a lot of email from thyroid cancer patients and survivors.  It seems like we all have our struggles.  One person I know is still having dosage problems for Synthroid two years after the fact.  Another person  still doesn’t feel back to normal after two years as well, and is nervous about developing more cancers.

Yesterday all the nurses and doctors who looked at my chart told me I was a very healthy person.  I was a little surprised to hear them all say that.  When I asked them even though I had thyroid cancer, they said yes- from a medical perspective, thyroid cancer is treatable and curable, and they look at the overall health picture.

I wanted to write and share this, because it is too easy once you’ve had cancer, to stop viewing yourself as healthy. I like what the medical staff had said, it’s an overall health picture. One cancer, or two- a few surgeries, doesn’t make you an unhealthy person.  I am going to make that mind shift and keep all of it perspective.

Thank you to John, who took excellent care of me after the surgery last night,  my friends and family for your well wishes, and for checking in with me today.  I’m also very grateful to Ryan and Cole’s father’s family who are helping out with their care this week, so I can recover.

As I’ve written so many times, cancer does change you, and there are good parts to it and not so good parts to it.  But, the main thing is to keep on top of it, and trust your body.  It will be a fight for probably the rest of our lives, but as all cancer patients and survivors know- it is well worth it.

I still plan to write that, but it will have to wait.  On June 14^th, I received the results from a biopsy.  It showed a moderate abnormal growth of cells, which I was told if left untreated, develops into cancer.  The condition is rare- my doctor said less than 1% of women ever develop this, and he didn’t even have that much information he could share with me, since his practice rarely has a patient with this. He said they don’t know what causes it, but a weakened immune system is suspected. 

It felt like déjà vu, and it was upsetting.  There wasn’t a lot of information on the Internet. But what I was able to find, was pretty much the same information my doctor had told me.  As I talked to my family and friends, the reality of what I need to do, became clear.

I had a few hours where I realized and accepted, like it or not, my immune system is weakened because of my prior cancer.  When I was recovering two years ago, I was really careful with not over doing it, resting, eliminating unnecessary stresses, and not “sweating the small stuff.”  I realized I’ve not been doing a great job of that lately.  As I discovered, when I don’t do these things, my health suffers. 

I decided to ask my doctor if he knew of any other doctors who specialize in this condition, and who were familiar with the more advanced treatment options.  He was able to refer me to specialist and I have an appointment with her next week.

After doing more research I believe I will be fine.  I think this was caught early enough and it is treatable.  I can liken it to when you find a suspicious mole and they tell you it needs to be removed because it could develop into melanoma if it is left untreated.  

Receiving news like this again- puts it in perspective.  There are very few things in life that are so important, it is worth the stress.  At times, the little things seem big.  Some of these things I can control, some of them I can’t.  It is hard to admit I can’t do it all. But trying to, and neglecting my health, isn’t an option for me anymore.    

The past few weeks, I’ve reevaluated ways I can cut down on my stress levels, and started working on building up my immune system. I don’t have the specialist’s diagnosis yet, but I feel like I have already started to fight this with these changes.      

I think health conditions can be a manifestation of stress.  One of the best books I’ve ever read on this topic is When the Body Says No, by Gabor Mate.  When things in your life aren’t working; your body gives you clues. What we chose to do with the clues-what we choose to change, can make all the difference.

It would be hard to not have heard the news by now: On Sunday May 1, 2011, the United States killed Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.  As I heard the news, it almost sounded too good to be true.  This was the most hunted man in the world for almost a decade.  He had eluded capture from one of the most sophisticated and advanced armed forces in the world.  Two leaders of the free world had failed to capture him (until today).  I think many Americans might have given up hope of ever finding Bin Laden alive, but hoping he had died somewhere in a cave, while we prayed the US would never see another 9/11.

As the news filtered in, it was hard to believe until we could hear it from President Obama. As I listened to the President tell the world, Osama Bin Laden, was indeed dead, so many feelings were recalled.  The terror of 9/11.  I don’t think anyone who saw images from that day will ever forget them. Seeing people jumping out of the World Trade Center as it burned from airplanes being purposely crashed into them by terrorists.  Seeing the scorched earth in Pennsylvania where Flight 93 had collided- not fully realizing what had happened.  Watching the Twin Towers crumbling, and realizing our innocence, and security had crumbled right along with them.  The lost innocence- our world had changed in a matter of minutes.  We all were in shock and mourned these things, but the majority of American’s hearts were broken on 9/11 for the loss of innocent lives, and for the pain and suffering the victim’s famlies, friends, and loved ones were left with. 

I was 28. I cried like most people did.  I knew the world would never be the same.  My unborn children would never know what it would be like to live in a pre 9/11 world. As the days, months, and years followed, we, as a nation were horrified.  Bin Laden’s attacks on the United States did change our world, and we have lived with them every day since.

Last year while I was in New York, Amy and I thought about going to Ground Zero.  Neither one of us could do it.  I got emotional just thinking about it.  Almost 9 years later- it was too painful, too fresh, and too sad.  Having lost my mom a few months before, I could not contemplate having to live with the fact every day that a loved one was murdered by terrorists.

I had tears in my eyes as I listened to President Obama’s announcement tonight.  This man, this evil coward terrorist, who murdered thousands of innocent people, was truly dead and gone from our world forever. It doesn’t bring back the innocent, nor can we ever go back to the world before 9/11, but somehow, all of a sudden, the world feels a little safer than it did this morning.  I heard on the news, one 9/11 victim’s son say, “The face of evil is dead.”

To all the armed forces and their families: thank you for all the work you have done over the years, with much sacrifice at times, to accomplish this feat.  Politics aside, it is the hard work of these people, who put their lives on the line who are truly heroes every day.  Politically, I think this is bigger than just one political party.  It obviously took both parties a lot of effort, determination, leadership, and help from other countries to kill Bin Laden. It wasn’t a Democratic or a Republican victory, but it is a victory for the United States, and really the world. 

The events put into motion on 9/11 are not events to be happy about.  But is the death of the man who started these events reason to be happy?  Yes. I am happy Osama Bin Laden is dead. I am happy that he will not live another day to murder another innocent person.  I am happy the master mind of the evilest terrorist group in the world will not have another chance to personally influence another person.  I am happy the victim’s families of all the innocent people he murdered directly or indirectly can go to sleep tonight, knowing he is gone.  As a mother, I’m elated as the world changed for the worst on September 11, 2001, today, my children now have a world where Osama Bin Laden’s sickening and evil influence has been reduced. 

The world has suffered with Osama Bin Laden in it, and I can only hope it improves with him out of it.  This is hope, and this is our future.   

I was reminded of a quote tonight, and I’m not quoting it to be political, but I think it sums up the events of May 1, 2011 perfectly. 

“Great harm has been done to us. We have suffered great loss. And in our grief and anger we have found our mission and our moment. Freedom and fear are at war. Our nation – this generation – will lift a dark threat of violence from our people and our future. We will rally the world to this cause by our efforts, by our courage. We will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail.”

George W. Bush,  9/11/2001