When I was in New York, I was invited to tour the Hope Lodge facility, as a member of the American Cancer Society (ACS) Blogger Advisory Council I serve on.  

The ACS has more than 30 Hope Lodge locations in the United States and Puerto Rico.  Their purpose is to provide cancer patients and their caregivers a temporary free place to stay when having to travel to another city for cancer treatments. 

As I toured the Jerome L. Greene Hope Center in the heart of New York, I was deeply touched.  I had no idea the scope of services they provide for cancer patients.  There are lovely and homey rooms, which don’t feel like hotel or hospital rooms.  Each floor includes a kitchen, dining area, a quiet lounge, and laundry.  In addition, Hope Lodge helps cancer patients with the healing process.  There are support programs which include meditation, touch therapy, support groups, yoga, and nutritional seminars.  Patients also have access to ACS services such as Look Good…Feel Better, the Wig Program, and Man to Man. 

If a patient is staying at Hope Lodge- all of it is free.  They have 60 rooms at Hope Lodge and they are booked every night, months in advance.  To stay at Hope Lodge, a patient has to be referred by a hospital social worker, as they try to serve the patients with the greatest needs.  I was very impressed as the director told us even if a cancer patient isn’t staying at Hope Lodge, if they are in the city for cancer treatment, they can still come and use all the services free of charge. 

I took a lot of pictures of the facility, but there is a virtual tour you can take as well.  I think that captures the lodge much better than the pictures I took. However, as we walked by the common area, there was a party going on.  There was a woman playing the piano, patients and their caregivers listening, talking, and visiting.  There was so much food, much of it baked by volunteers.  There were beautiful cookies which volunteers baked.  These pictures aren’t on the on-line tour:

This really touched me because of the amount of time, care, and sense of community that exists here.  We toured the facility for an hour, but you could tell there was a lot of love, and dedication, not just by the staff, but by the volunteers, caregivers, and patients themselves.

While I was listening to all the information, and seeing this facility, I couldn’t help but feel a bit overwhelmed in the facility.  It is a wonderful place for any cancer patient.  I wish there was a Hope Lodge in Denver, because I would definitely benefited from their services, even if I had not needed lodging. 

The moment that touched me the most, was as the tour was finishing and I was having a few words with Karen Radwin, the Senior Managing Executive.  She had taken us on the tour and had answered all of our questions.  We were standing somewhat away from the group and I told her I had thyroid cancer last year.  I am sure she can’t count how many times she hears cancer stories, but she listened to mine as if it was the only one she had ever heard.  She asked me questions, no one else had ever thought to ask about my cancer and recovery process.  Even though our conversation was just a few minutes, it still is with me.  

I’ve thought a lot about how to write this post.  There are so many wonderful things Hope Lodge provides, it is hard to pinpoint just a few.  But as a cancer survivor myself, the element I felt the most, from the moment I walked in, and what was confirmed by the tour was care.  The staff really cares and does whatever it can to help cancer patients.  Our medical professionals are so busy, it isn’t always possible to get the feeling of care and love in a hospital. 

The fact these lodges exist to provide caring and healing services to cancer patients is priceless.  It is a major step in the recovery process from cancer, and I am so glad Hope Lodges are there for cancer patients and their families in the direst time of need. 

No asks to have cancer.  No one really plans to have cancer.  Not everyone knows what to say or do when a loved one has cancer.  If you live near a Hope Lodge, seek them out.  They can help, even if the patient isn’t staying there. 

In a world where a disease like cancer is ruled by medical diagnosis’s, invading procedures, surgeries, and drugs, to be able to have services on the flip side, care, love, understanding, and support, is invaluable.  It is the difference between surviving cancer, and healing from cancer.

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On July 22, I ran in my first competitive division race in Boulder. It was a 3K race sprint which was 1.87 miles.  It was definitely a different experience from what I am used to.  To start off, the race said it started at six, but there was a kid’s race, and then a downpour of rain with wind and lightning that delayed the race for about 20 minutes.  Then there was the non-competitive division race.  It was almost seven when it was time for my wave to run.

I actually lined up in the non-competitive division for a few minutes, before I realized that wasn’t my wave this time.  It was weird when the announcer said if you are an elite runner, make sure you aren’t lined up in that wave.  I don’t think of myself as an elite runner, and I had kind of a mental moment, where I was wondering if I should really be running in a competitive division.  I’ll admit for a few seconds, I thought about just running in the non-competitive division.  

But I told myself I had trained for this, and I was going to do it.  Walking out of the non-competitive wave, and waiting some more for the competitive female division was hard.  I trusted all of this on the work I had done.  The waiting around was difficult.  It allowed me too much time to keep thinking and second guessing myself.  Since the race was on a weekday in the early evening, no one I knew could make it to the race.  I’m pretty independent, but it was hard to wait around for that long by myself.  

I went and warmed up and tried to get myself into a better mental frame of mind.  When it was finally  time to line up, I felt good.  I felt like I belonged right where I was.  The only thing that was worrying me was the weather.  The sun had come out after the rain, but it was incredibly humid.  We don’t have much humidity in Colorado, and I have never trained in it.  I wasn’t sure if it would affect my running.

As the race started, I started off strong.  It was neat seeing so many people lined up in the streets watching.  They were cheering everyone on, and were shouting encouraging words at us.  I was able to run a good half mile in the six minute range, and then the humidity hit me.  I couldn’t breathe.  I couldn’t take in deep breaths.  I had to slow down, so I could breathe. 

There was a pretty steep hill we had to run up twice- the course was two loops.  After I ran up the hill the first time, I couldn’t breathe, and I felt so tired.  I wasn’t getting the oxygen I needed to run.  I felt like I was running in a steam room.  I slowed down a bit more, but it wasn’t helping.  I felt so frustrated, but knew I wasn’t going to be able to finish if I couldn’t breathe.  So I did something I have never done in a race before.  I stopped running and walked a few paces, breathing as deep as I could.  I probably didn’t walk more than five seconds, but it felt like an eternity.  A few people passed me, and I hated that.  But I decided even if I finished in last place,  I was going to finish. 

I started running again and right before I reached the half-way mark, there was a woman on the street clapping.  She looked right at me and told me I was doing great, and to keep going.  I waved at her, and for some reason, that really gave me a lift.  I had resigned myself to the fact that I wasn’t going to have my best time, or even place (which I was shooting for, but not expecting), so all I could do is run and finish.  I told myself running up the hill again, even if I was last, this was a competitive division and I had come so far in not even a year, to even be running in this race.

I started running downhill faster, and could see the finish line ahead. I could hear footsteps behind me, and I was determined to not let anyone else pass me.  The humidity was still a factor, and I was still struggling with the deeper breaths.  People were cheering and clapping and I just gave it my all as I saw the finish line get closer and closer.  When I finally crossed, the clock said 14:40.  I stopped my Garmin and it also said 14:40. 

I was surprised at the time.  It was a personal record for me running the distance outside.  I had run it faster in the air conditioned gym, with no hills on the treadmill, a few weeks before.  But this was 30 seconds faster than I had ever ran it outside.  There weren’t that many people behind me, and I knew I had finished towards the last quarter or so of people.  Even with having to walk, I has still achieved a personal best. 

I found some water dumped it over my head.  I was so hot and tired.  I was still trying to catch my breath.  Some of the other ladies I had run with were also talking about the humidity.  It seemed like it was a factor for a lot of people.   

I cooled down and then watched the men’s elite division run.  They were lightning fast. The announcer said there were a few Olympic runners running in this race and you could tell.  The first man hit the half way point just over 4 minutes!  It was fun watching them all finish, and the winning time was just under 9 minutes! 

I have a lot of respect for how hard everyone worked to finish this race- not just the competitive runners, but everyone.  It definitely is a hard distance when you are trying to run fast.  It tests you.  Under two miles doesn’t sound very far, but when you are running as fast as you can, and pushing yourself, your body hurts, your lungs hurt, and you have to dig down to keep strong. I have never wanted to quit a race, but I wanted to quit this one.  I remember telling myself after this race I was done running- this sucked!  I had to fight myself mentally to stay in it. 

When it was time leave, I walked by the announcer’s booth and he said the race results would be on-line the next day.  But I saw a few people with race result papers.  I walked over and asked if I could see the results.  The guy said they were the competitive results, and told him that was what I ran in.  He gave me the paper, and as I found my age group and my name, I was shocked.  It said I had finished in second place for my age group.  I looked at it again, and asked him if these were official results.  He said they were.  The 14:40 was the official time, and I placed second!

I still can’t really describe how I felt.  It seemed unreal- from where I was physically and health-wise a year ago- I was a cancer patient, to placing second in my first competitive division race, and getting personal best time too.  In Boulder of all places- a town known for its die-hard and excellent runners.

I went to a party afterwards my friend was having and she snapped this picture of me with my race number. I had good feeling when I saw the number. 

I was on cloud nine for a few days afterwards.  I thought a lot about cancer, recovery, running, and all the support my family and friends have given me during this past year.  I thank all of you for that. 

And to all the cancer patients and survivors who read my blog, in that last quarter mile when I wanted to quit, I thought about all the e-mails I have received from you all.  I thought about how hard every cancer patient has to fight and how it changes our lives.  I thought about how inspired I am by your stories and how hard some of you have to fight.  One thing cancer patients know how to do is fight, and not quit.  I thought about how I would feel if I had to write on my blog I quit the race.  That provided me that extra motivation to keep running until I crossed that finish line. 

Running and cancer have taught me over the last year, when I am at my limit and feel like I can’t go another step or day, I can.   They have taught me the greatest rewards come from the hardest trials.  If you believe and are true to yourself, you will accomplish what you thought impossible.  And never give up.  Every step you run (or walk), is a step closer to the finish line, and every day you fight through cancer is another day you are closer to beating it, or a cure being found. 

This race was the hardest race I have ever ran in, but also the race where I had the greatest success.  I am very glad I challenged myself by running in it.  It will serve me well for my next running goal, which I am very excited for, and I will be writing about it in an upcoming post. 

Second place.  I still smile when I think about it.

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My dad and I started off for Vail Saturday morning.  We got to the trail head for Gore Lake by late morning.  It was already 90+ degrees.  We were going to try to get about a mile away from the lake, spend the night, hike to the lake on Sunday morning, and then head back.  We both are pretty good hikers, so this didn’t seem overly ambitious.  My dad had hiked this before, and had done just fine.  Except it had been in the fall, when it had been much cooler.

The hike started out right away uphill- there was no shade, and there were a ton of rocks.  I could feel the heat from the rocks radiating back on to the trail- and on to us.  It felt like I was in an oven baking.  I’ve never weighed my backpack, but it is probably about 20-25 pounds.  My dad’s is heavier, and it seemed like after that first climb, we were both already tired.  In hindsight that should have been a clue- it was too hot.  Here is a picture of me with some wildflowers- about a mile into the hike.  It was one of the few places along the trail with shade.   

We kept hiking, and it just seemed to get hotter and hotter.  There was no breeze either.  The sun was so intense, and the air was hot, heavy, and humid.  I commented to my dad, it felt like we were in a jungle.  We had already drank our water, and we stopped so we could filter some more from the river.  We took off our backpacks, and my shirt was soaked.  It was like I had just taken it out of the washer. 

We drank some more water, and my dad said it wasn’t too much farther to a meadow where we could stop for the day.  There were not any other places to stop and camp- it was all pretty steep terrain, so we figured we could go until we got to the meadow.   

We hiked another mile- in the heat and sun, and there was no meadow.  I felt exhausted.  It was hard to think, and it was just so hot.  I told my dad the bike ride the day before had seemed easy compared to how I was feeling on this hike.  My dad said he was getting some cramps in his legs, and he couldn’t quite remember how much further it was to the meadow.  I had my dad drink the rest of the water we had until we could get close to the creek again.  My dad got the map out, and it looked like we were really close to where this meadow was supposed to be.  We had hiked 4 miles.  My dad said the cramps in his legs were going away, and now we had to find some more water, so we kept going.

We came out of the bend we were in, and below us was the creek, and what looked like some places where we could stop.  I told my dad I was done- I didn’t care about the meadow- I just wanted to stop for the day, and he agreed.  We hiked another half mile or so down, and stopped at the creek to get some more water.  I started shivering- even though it was still hot and sunny out.  I had just read about heat exhaustion, and remembered some of the symptoms were chills and muscle cramps.

We couldn’t seem to drink enough water, and we were dehydrated.  My dad decided to go scout around and see if there was any place we could camp- we were in a marshy grassy field- the ground was all swampy.  So I stayed with our gear and drank more water.  I was sitting with my shoes and socks off, my lightweight jacket on, shivering, but also very hot. I was also exhausted.  I was fighting not falling asleep.   It was the weirdest feeling.   Here’s a picture I took of the creek:

My dad returned half an hour later, and said he had found a great camping spot.  It was a quarter mile away, in trees-which meant shade.  It was right near the creek too, so we’d have water.  If could have ran, I would have but I suddenly felt beyond exhausted.  My chills had stopped though, and my dad didn’t have any more cramping.  We made it over to the campsite and it was gorgeous!  It overlooked the creek, and there was a small waterfall. 

We put up the tent, and drank some more water.  I told my dad I couldn’t keep my eyes open any more, and was going to lie down.  He said he was feeling better, and he’d get things organized.  I was asleep it seemed the moment I laid down.  I woke up an hour later, and we ate dinner. I was still exhausted and decided to go to bed.  I think it was around 8PM.  I haven’t gone to bed that early since I was a kid.

I woke up around 2AM, and got out of the tent and looked at the stars.  It was clear, cool, and with the sound of the creek right behind me, it was so pretty, calm, and peaceful.  I was feeling better, but knew we both had some heat exhaustion.   

We woke up early, ate breakfast, and started to pack up.  It was actually cool and it felt so nice after the previous day.  I took this picture of my dad:

We started back- right back into the sun which was already hot.  We didn’t make the same mistake twice though.  We stopped every 15 minutes and drank a little bit of water.  We passed a few hikers who had said it had been 104 in Denver the day before and it had reached 95 in Vail.  The sun is so much more intense at the altitude we were at- it was no wonder we had difficulties.

The last mile of the hike back was killer.  We had finished our water, and we were up too steep to get to the creek.  The first half mile was all up hill.  There was no shade at all, the sun was blazing, and it was all rocks to our side- holding and reflecting the heat back on us.  That last mile seemed like 10.  My shirt was dripping with sweat and the heat was so thick and heavy.  For a few minutes, I really wondered if I could keep going.  It was physically the hardest thing I have ever done, to keep putting my feet in front of each other to keep moving. 

I looked at my Garmin, which said we had about half a mile to go, and then the Garmin died.  I don’t really remember what happened next, except, we finally were off the trail, and made it back to the car!  I don’t think I have ever been so happy a backpacking trip was over.

My dad looked as exhausted as I felt.  We stopped and got some food, water, and some chocolate milk before driving back to Denver.  When we got back, we were both feeling much better, but still drained.  It took me until Tuesday night to really feel better. 

It was kind of nerve wracking how fast the heat exhaustion happened.  My dad and I are both pretty cautious hikers- we don’t take a lot of chances, but we clearly shouldn’t have hiked that far with it being so hot out.  I’m just glad we were near water most of the time and were able to recover quickly.  My dad said it best- the next time it is 90+ degrees in the mountains he’s not going hiking- he’s going to the pool. 

The last few days I have thought about my race, and the workouts I’ve done.  I won’t know until tonight if the heat exhaustion will factor into my running, but I don’t think it will.  If anything, I believe it has given me more confidence and a mental edge.

I was preparing for this race as being very difficult, but after this past week, it doesn’t seem like it will be as challenging.  I’ve trained extremely hard for this race.  I was talking to one of my friends this week about the race and training and he asked me why I push myself so hard.  During the bike ride up the hills, and on that God-awful hot hike, I kept thinking one thing: last year at this time, I was so sick some days I could not get out of bed.  I told my friend it is hard, but it is also a gift. I push myself because I can. 

Tonight I’m pushing myself with running.  Some people have told me I’m crazy (in a good way) for running a sprinting race in July in the heat!     But it reminds me I can.  When I line up at the start line, when I hit the half way mark, and when I cross the finish line, in my first competitve race, it’s because I can. 

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Last week I had an “extreme” activity/workout week. 

As I wrote previously, I am training for the first competitive division race I’ve run in.  It is a 3K, and it is going to be at 6PM. As in outside.  In July.  When it is extremely hot.  I’ve been getting faster and faster in just running the distance, but have been training inside. 

I didn’t want to exhaust myself too much with hot weather running, but had planned to do one run at 6PM, a week before the race.  Last Wednesday I did, and it was a lot harder than I thought.  I was a minute and a half slower than I have been at the gym.  The weather was hot- it was in the 90′s, windy, and it was draining. 

While I was disappointed with the time, I worked out a better strategy for race day. I normally start out very fast and maintain the pace.  I realized within the first few minutes on Wednesday, this would be very hard to do in the heat.  I slowed down a bit to conserve some energy until I was just under 1.5 miles.  Then I increased my speed, and had a fast finish. 

The weather is going to be such a factor in this race.  Today they are saying upper 80′s, and lower 90′s, with possible rain on race day.  But it could also be in the mid 90′s and sun.  I feel like I haven’t trained as well as I could for the hot weather, and wanted to get some more exposure to the heat.

On Friday I took off for a two hour bike ride at 11:30AM.  Right in the heat of the day.  It was in the upper 90′s.  I made myself ride up hills.  I was really tired at the 12 mile mark, but made myself push on for 3 more miles, so I could have a 30 mile bike ride round trip.  The muscles in my legs were shouting for me to stop.  Sweat was trickling down my head, neck, and arms.  I could see the top of my thighs and shoulders turning red with sunburn.  I only had a quarter of a water bottle left with warm water by this time, but I kept going-up and down three steep hills on the way home.  A moment later, there was no pain, no need to stop.  I had pushed through the pain, the heat and felt great.  

When I got home, I realized I had only done 25 miles- I had rode to a town on the first leg of the trip, but did not ride through it on the way back.  I didn’t hit the 30 mile mark, but I felt the bike ride called for a lot more endurance than I will need on race day.  I managed two hours in the sun, exercising vigorously almost the entire time.  I felt ready and prepared, but tired, as I packed to go on an easy backpacking trip for the weekend. I was looking forward to getting to the mountains and getting out of the heat and the record temperatures we were having. 

As I drove to Denver I could not have known the run and the bike ride would end up being the easy part of the week.  The most physically enduring, exhausting activity, I have ever done, was still to come…

(Due to lack of writing time, part two will appear on Thursday.)   
 

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I’ve been running again.  I have been running shorter distances, but working on building speed.  A few months ago, if I didn’t run five miles at a time, I felt like I wasn’t working hard enough.  I honestly can’t remember off the top of my head, the last five mile run I had. In the back of my mind, I know this is not going to get me to a marathon in October.  But right now, it is good enough.

All my aches and pains have vanished- I have not had any more knee pain since I stopped pushing as hard as I was.  Since I am injury free, and working my way out of the physical and mental groove I have been in, I decided to enter a race. 

I felt like I needed a challenge I had not taken on before.  Since I know I am not ready right now to tackle a half marathon, and my body seems to be doing well with shorter but faster runs, I signed up for a 3K  (1.86 miles) in July.  I checked the top times from last year, and was pretty excited to see the times I was currently running were in the range with the finishers in the competitive field.  My current time is nowhere near the top level, but it was there.   With competitive runners. 

I stared at the computer screen for several minutes, wondering if this was right.  If I had to run this race today, I would finish somewhere in the middle among competitive runners.  I would be near the top for my age group.  The race description said the area’s fastest runners show up for this race, and with such a short distance it is quick!  And it is going to be hot!  It is outside, at 6PM. I am NOT a warm weather or heat runner. The last few weeks temperatures have been in the 90′s at 6PM.  This is definitely one of the most challenging things I’ve tried. 

But I was not going to let heat stop me, so I signed up for the race, in the competitive division. So I am now training for what will be my first race in 2 months, and my first competitive division race.  I have three weeks until race day to get faster and deal with the heat.  It has been hard.  I have dropped an average of 30 seconds off my time so far, and I hope I can keep adding to that.  I want to finish well, but even if I am the last person to cross the finish line, it feels good to be running and training again.

I’ve realized I might not make the goal of running in a marathon by October.  I never gave myself the option not to.  But when trying to reach any health or fitness goal, you have to have a little wiggle room.  If you never allow yourself room to fail or to be unsuccessful, then I don’t think you can ever allow yourself to reach the level of success you want either. Success and failure go hand in hand- you can’t have one without the other.

Not every training run for this fast intense race, is a success.  Sometimes the heat gets to me.  Sometimes my time is slower than the previous time.  But all of this is paving the way  for me to have success- hopefully in a few weeks in my first competitive race, and when the time is right- a marathon.

(Cross posted at Choose You Blog- a new campaign by The American Cancer Society to help encourage and support women to put their health first in the fight against cancer. )

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