On Sunday I ran in the Run Denver Valentine’s Day 5K Race.   After the hills in the last 5K race in January left me struggling at the end of the race, I have been working on more strength training, running longer distances, and more hill running.  

 On Thursday during my training run, I ran the distance just under 29 minutes.  This was the fastest pre-race time I have had, and felt pretty confident I could run faster than that on Sunday, and get my personal best.  Later I saw the weather report for Sunday.  It called for snow and temperatures in the 20′s.  Running in the colder weather doesn’t bother me too much. I dress in layers, and usually end up shedding some of them.  But the snow gets packed down, and turns to ice.  It makes it harder to run as fast.  

I also tried to figure out a definite plan on how fast I needed to run to hit my target time. When I ran my best time, I started out at a faster pace and was able to maintain it.  But since I have been running longer distances, I have noticed if I start out slower, I get an incredible surge of energy after about 2.5 miles. After the last race, I did not want to be so tired at the end!  I was debating between a negative split, and running a steady, faster pace.  My friend gave me a good idea to break out the times on how fast I needed to run each mile to reach my target time.  I liked that, because it gave me a definite goal to hit for each mile. 

On Sunday morning it was snowing and cold.  When I got to the race, it was still snowing, and it was 18 degrees out!  The path was shoveled, but there was a lot of ice pack, because the park is a really popular park for running.  This race was a bit different for me too, because no one came with me.  My dad had a cold, and I didn’t have the heart to ask anyone else to get out of bed on a cold, snowy, Sunday, Valentine’s Day morning to come stand in snowy, 18 degree weather!

Since I didn’t have my trusty equipment manager to hold all my stuff, I jogged back to my car to put my registration stuff away, and by the time I got back to the start line, it was time to line up.  I hadn’t stretched, and since the race had a timer chip, I figured I would stay back for a few minutes and finish warming up.  The previous races with timing chips start when you cross the start line. There were probably about 25 other people who had the same idea as I.    

It was nice to start after the majority of the runners had gone. I hit the ”start” on the timer on my watch as soon as I crossed the start line.  It was much less cramped.  I was shooting for a 10 minute mile for the first mile and a few minutes into it, I knew it was going to be hard to get my time. The course was really icy. When my feet landed, they slipped.  I had forgotten to bring my YakTraxs, which are awesome on the ice. 

The end of the first mile wasn’t marked, so I wasn’t exactly sure when I finished the first mile.  I was passing a lot of people, and I was enjoying running. I felt like I was running pretty well, despite the ice. There were patches where it was just wet pavement, so I tried to maneuver to these as much as I could.  

I saw the sign marking the end of two miles and my watch said 19 minutes.  I didn’t bother looking at the seconds, but I was happy with the pacing.  I focused on my breathing and trying to keep an even pace, so I wouldn’t tire out too much at the end.  It was getting a bit more difficult to get deeper breaths though because of the cold.  I kept passing people, and since I started after everyone else, there wasn’t anyone that was passing me.  That was kind of a neat psychological edge.  

I saw the marker for mile 3, and my time was just under 25 minutes.  I figured I was in good shape- I had just run a 5 minute mile!  I had never run a mile that fast.  But the end of the course was a hill- not a steep one, and I was doing okay, but I was getting tired. I wasn’t able to get any deep breaths, so my breathing was very shallow.  I was trying to pass someone a few steps ahead of me, and saw the finish line in sight.  If I gave it my all to pass, I probably wasn’t going to have enough left to finish.  So I didn’t sprint to the finish.  I held my pace, and made it to the finish line!

I wasn’t as tired as I was at the end of the last race, and felt much better. I stood for several seconds and breathed.  I went over the volunteer to have her remove the timing chip off my shoe, and remembered I hadn’t checked my watch!  I looked at it and it said 28:48.  I had waited about 30 seconds before I stopped it, but wasn’t worried about it, since the timing chip kept track of that.  I figured my time would be just over 28 minutes.  While that wasn’t my personal best, I felt great considering the weather and the course conditions.  I wanted to also finish in the top 15% for my age group, and I had a good feeling I did. 

Later in the afternoon the results were posted online and I was shocked to see my “official” time was 31:18!  I thought it was a mistake.  I hadn’t cleared the time from my watch and looked at it again, and it showed 28:48.  I e-mailed the time keeper for the race and asked him how I could have an almost 3 minute discrepancy.  The official results placed me 13th in my age group out of 58 runners and 149th out of 311. 

I was not happy with that at all!  The only race I ran slower than that was my very first race.  Even when I struggled at the last race, my time was 31:00 and I know I didn’t struggle as much during this race. I haven’t run a 5K distance over 30 minutes in over a month.  I just knew the results weren’t right, and it was frustrating!  I talked to my friend and also posted what happened on my Daily Mile account, and it made me feel a bit better to hear that sometimes the results get messed up.  But I was disappointed.

I thought about it clearly, and realized I didn’t need an “official” result to tell me how I ran.  I knew from the way I felt (and my watch), that I really ran the race in the 28 minute range- not in the 31 minute range.  While I won’t have an “official” result, it doesn’t discount my running.  Even with the weather and the ice, this was the second best time I’ve ever had.  It felt great to achieve that. 

Shortly after this, the time keeper e-mailed me back, and said the chips didn’t record individual start times- they all turned on at the same time.  He even asked if I started later than the main crowd.  Since I did, that explained the discrepancy.  I figured I started about 3 minutes after everyone else, so that would have put my time right about at 28:18- just about what I thought it would be at when I finished, and what my watch showed. 

I’m glad I got resolution on why the time was off, and it was a good lesson for me to learn.  You can’t always rely on what a clock or a timer chip says you have done.  They are devices, and even I didn’t stop my watch the exact moment I was done.  But I still knew I didn’t run a 31 minute race.  When I looked at how the 28:18 time lined up, it would have “officially” put me in 7th place for my age group, and 87th overall.  It also put me in the 12% for my age group, so I met that goal! 

I’ve joked that I have “graduated” to the next level- the 7K race, which I will be running in next month, but I’m not done with 5K’s. I am going to run in a fifth 5K and try to “officially” beat my personal best. 

After this timing fiasco, and always trying to “guesstimate” my distances, I have a very cool announcement to make soon, which will be perfect timing.  :-)

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I have chosen up to this point not to write about any aspects of my divorce.  I have had many reasons for choosing not to write about this subject.  Many of those reasons are still in place, and one of these reasons was, I didn’t see what good or what positive aspects could come from blogging about a divorce. 

This past Christmas was the first Christmas where Ryan and Cole’s time was divided between their father and I.  It was also the last holiday, since we have been apart, that we had to face, and also it is the “biggest.”  Christmas is all the holidays rolled into one, and then some- especially for children.  My boys start asking in July when Christmas is coming.  As a parent, there is nothing quite like seeing your children’s face’s light up with excitement on Christmas morning when they see the tree and the presents under it.  It is the epitome of childhood.

And the fact of being divorced is, one parent isn’t going to experience that every year.  Some divorced parents switch off years,  and some divide the time.  We decided to try to keep things as they had been in the past this year, so the boys spent Christmas Eve with me, and my family.   Ryan and Cole got to visit with my mom, who lives out of state, and their great-grandpa, who moved to Colorado this year.  Their two teen-aged cousins wrestled and rough-housed with them, which they loved and they helped them make a gingerbread house.  Of course there were a lot of presents, but for the first time, I noticed the boys were more interested in playing with people than playing with the gifts all night.   Their dad came and got them later at night on Christmas Eve, and then the boys spent Christmas with him and his family. 

After the boys had left my aunt’s house on Christmas Eve, I cried.  I haven’t cried over any holiday, but there was something very isolating, and hollow not having my children with me for this holiday.  My tears didn’t last long, because I knew the boys were going to have fun, and they were fine.  They were excited about Santa coming in the morning.  It obviously helped that I was around my immediate family too. 

On Christmas Day, I missed the boys terribly.  I imagined they were having fun, and that is what mattered.  That evening the boys called me and my heart melted when Ryan excitedly told me on the phone, “Mom, I had the best day!”  He explained what he had done, and the gifts he had received.  A part of me was sad, because I had not been a part of his day, but he was happy.  He wasn’t sad, asking where I had been, or why we couldn’t be together, or any of those type of things.  I talked to Cole, and he was happy and excited too. 

The good I think can come from sharing this experience is, despite the difficulties divorce brings, especially with children, all that mattered on Christmas was that Ryan and Cole were happy, and had the best Christmas ever.  Perhaps that says something about our Christmases past, but I think it says more about all the members of the families involved- on both sides.  All the grandparents, all the aunts, all the uncles, and all of the cousins. 

When my children are grown, I don’t want them to look back at the holidays and remember “that was my year with Mom, or that was my year with Dad.”  I want them to remember the joy, the happiness, the excitement, and the love they received from and felt for their families.  I know that was accomplished throughout the last year, and especially this Christmas Eve and Christmas. 

Thank you to all members of both Ryan and Cole’s family for this.  It could have been a very hard holiday for them, but it wasn’t.  It was magical and loving for them- just as it should be.

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photo credit by Wikipedia

It’s A Wonderful Life is my favorite Christmas movie.  Growing up, I seemed to watch it several times during the holidays. I haven’t seen it though recently in many years.   

There are so many true-to-life themes in the movie.  The main one being, you never really can know the extent that your life touches others.  Another theme is even though our lives may seem ordinary to us, no life is just ordinary.  Even if we never achieve what we set out to do, or life goes in a totally different direction that what we planned, our life still matters and can be great and inspiring to others by the course it does take.  One of the quotes from the movie is, “every man’s life is important because it touches so many other lives.”  Another theme is we don’t appreciate what we have, or truly understand the blessings we have in our life, until they are taken away.

I find it a little more than just coincidence that I’m thinking about this story and its themes this year, after what has been undoubtedly, the hardest year of my life.  The last twelve months have not been easy.  Cancer and divorce are not easy to face as separate events, and this year they ran parallel for me.  Many times during the year, I could not wait until 2009 was over, and I could put this horrible year behind me.

As I have thought more and more about it, I have realized while the year has been hard, it has not been horrible.  So many positive things have happened as well.  Personally, I have learned many valuable things over the course of the year.  One of which, is you are never really alone.  There are always family and friends that support you.  Because of my illness this year, I found this out to an extent I have never experienced before.  I am not certain that without my illness, I would have ever discovered this. 

The other night, the closing scene from It’s A Wonderful Life popped into my mind.  It is when George sees the inscription in the book from Clarence which says, “remember no man is a failure who has friends.”  This past year by itself was difficult.  But because of my friends and family, it has been a wonderful year.  My children and I are truly blessed.  Thank you all. 

I wish all my family, friends, and blog readers the happiest of holidays, and much happiness, love, and friendship in 2010.  All of us really do, have a wonderful life.

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Last year my sister, Mara, who is a second grade teacher at a very impoverished school outside of Denver, had her students write a letter to Santa Claus.  She had never done this before, and was expecting typical requests from eight and nine year-olds.  The letters were anything but typical- they were heartbreaking.  She sent an e-mail to her family and friends with some of the requests, asking if there was any way we could help out these kids.

The letter that touched me the most last year was from a little boy who asked Santa for “socks with no holes in them.”  I posted her letter in a blog post, and asked my readers if they could help.  The response was overwhelming, and you can read about it here, if you missed it. 

Last year, Sergeant Alex from Buckley Air Force Base read about these kids on my blog, and showed up with four other officers with presents for these children.  Many readers sent gift cards and care packages- people that had never met these kids or my sister.  Family and friends in the area helped as well, with the result of every child in my sister’s class having a Christmas they never expected and will never forget.  

This year the entire second grade has written letters, and my sister has decided to try to make sure every child in her school’s second grade receives not only the items they need, like “socks with no holes,” but also a fun toy. 

Sgt. Alex, along with other Air Force officers and their families have already offered to help out, but there are 110 children in second grade, in a school that has several homeless kids, and where over 95%  of the students qualify for the reduced and free lunch program.  Some of the letters are even more desperate than they were last year.  Here are some of the requests, as the children wrote them:

“I nide food for my famli beause my dad has a boss woo doesnt want him to work anymor.”

“…a penciles and an eraser because I have none.”

“…two pair of shoos because my are ripet on the botom. I also need a bed because I never had one.”

“……I need some new sock and shoes because mine sock are riped back at home.”

“…I would please like to have some more frute and some glofs because I did not have some before.”

and the request that made me tear up:

“…I don’t want nothing but my sider needs a coat.”

I imagine my own two boys and how they love each other, and when one of them is hurt or upset, it pains the other one.  I can only imagine how sad and desperate this child feels to have to watch her sister go without a coat. 

Here is the information if you can help, as stated by my sister:

We’ll take anything EXCEPT cash/checks. Gift cards to Wal-Mart would be the most helpful because we could trade them in for gifts and the Wal-Mart here in Commerce City gives us tax-exempt status. We’d also love any chapter books, school supplies, etc. I will take care of making sure every child in the entire 2nd grade will get something new this Christmas.

Please send what you can to:

Alsup Elementary School
c/o Mara Corzine
7101 Birch Street
Commerce City, CO 80022

Again, thank you for caring about these kids. Anything you can send us will be greatly appreciated!! Let’s show these kids that people do care about them and that they matter!!

If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment and I will respond.  I’ll be writing an update when we go shopping for the kids again, and this year I hope to be able to be there the day the kids receive their gifts. It was the highlight of my Christmas last year, and I want to see the look on the little’s girl face when she sees that her “sider” finally has a coat!

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I grew up in a very strict religion.  One of the beliefs were, we didn’t celebrate holidays.  It always made me sad I couldn’t make a card for my mom on Mother’s Day. I made her cards on other days, but on Mother’s Day, it still felt like I should be giving my mom a card.

Fast forward to today- twenty five years later, and we are not in that religion anymore.  And as life would have it, I am not a card person.  I hate trying to find that ‘perfect’ card.  I either find nothing I like, or I find too many and then I can’t make up my mind.  I usually end up sending e-cards, because at least I can do that on the computer, when I don’t have two active little boys underfoot, trying to take all the cards out of the rack, while I search for that ‘one.’ 

That does not mean that I don’t appreciate what my mom has done for me, over the course of my 30+ years.  My mom will not have a ‘perfect’ card in a ‘perfect’ pink envelope this year, but I know she reads my blog.  So Mom- like it or not, whether you knew it or not, I did manage to learn a lot from you. I hope you enjoy this list Mom, it is for you.

• If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all
• Life isn’t fair
• Home cooked meals can solve most any problems- at least while you are eating
• If you keep trying something long enough, you will eventually learn to like it (for me it was the spaghetti you always made me eat)
• Crying over someone else’s problems is a sure way to stop crying about yours
• It is okay to order food the way you want it in a restaurant
• Kids don’t need a lot of sugar
• Take your vitamins every day
• If you are bored, there is always something that can be cleaned
• If you are bored, there is always a book you can read
• Later on in life, what will help you remember your childhood, is the pictures (thanks for always keeping such great ones for us!)
• When you believe in yourself, there are no limits to what you can accomplish
• There are some people in your life who will always be there for you
• Some things are worth spending money on
• Life doesn’t always turn out as you hoped, but you never give up
• Friends can help you get through anything
• If you can’t go on another day, then don’t- just get through the next hour, and then the next hour after that
• No matter how hard and bad life may be, there is always something or someone worth hanging on for
• No one is perfect
• If you aren’t true to yourself, you will never have real happiness
• Disneyland really is the happiest place on earth
• You can find every solution to life in a movie- or at least watch other people going through the same thing you are
• Seeking help for your problems may be painful, but not seeking help is more painful to you, and everyone else who loves you
• No matter how old I get, when I am sick, I just want my mommy
• If you aren’t happy, do something today to change it. 
• Your children will know if you are truly happy, or faking it
• Sleep is good
• Naps are even better
• You will never love anyone like you love your children
• You won’t understand this until you have children
• You will know how much your own mother loves you, when you have your own children

It took me thirty one years to learn these last three.  Now they hold for me, the key to the present and the future.  

Thank you for all the life lessons, Mom, and Happy Mother’s Day.  I love you.

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