I left a political comment on a ‘mommy blog’ I read.  The post was about why the writer was voting for the candidate she believed in.  After I left my comment, another reader commented back to me, and told me that if I had an opinion, I should “take a stand.”  That was a few weeks ago, and it got me thinking. 

Recently I wrote I felt politics were best left private, but some of the comments my readers left on that post, also got me thinking.  

In the true spirit of the elections, ”I was for that position, before I was against it.”  :-)   I believe everyone has the right to decide for themselves who they want to vote for, and that is our right and privilege as Americans.  But that comment, encouraging me to “take a stand”, as been gnawing at me, and here is why.

I don’t believe abortion is morally right.   (I am not saying this about the mothers who have abortions, but the act of abortion itself.)  I guess you could say I had the ‘politically correct’ view that it was a woman’s right to choose.  Then I was blessed to be pregnant, not once, but twice. 

I knew I was pregnant both times, before I took pregnancy tests.  I felt different.  At eight weeks, (with my first baby), I had an ultrasound and saw his tiny heart beating.  Yes, there was a baby with a heart- it was alive. 

My body started changing in the next eight weeks, supporting and nurturing the life I was growing.  At sixteen weeks, I felt that flutter in my stomach, and knew it was my baby kicking me.  The baby was alive-it could kick! 

Needless to say, the signs that I had a real baby, a real life in me became more and more evident as the months passed, and finally when I gave birth to my son, I could finally see with my eyes, what my heart knew all along- I had grown a life, and now he was in my arms. 

After I experienced being pregnant and having a baby for the first time, I could not accept anymore that a baby was just a lump of cells and was not a life until it was technically born.  I experienced the exact opposite of that.  Everything my body went through for ten months of being pregnant, and during birth, proved the opposite.  

Holding my brand new son, five days after his birth, and for the first time after coming home from the hospital, I looked into his sweet, innocent, sleeping face and cried.  I could not believe the miracle that I had just been through.  For me, my baby was a life before he was born, even  if that is not politically correct to say or not. 

I wish we lived in a world where decisions like whether to have an abortion or not, didn’t exist.  I wish no woman ever felt like an abortion was her only or best option.  But I realize that abortions will still be performed, and in this country it is legal to do so.  I hope adoption as an alternative to abortion, will keep increasing, as will education on how to prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place, and support to those facing a “hardship” pregnancy.   

But in the meantime, I never imagined in a million years, that babies who had survived the abortion procedure and who were being born alive, would be callously disposed of with medical waste- and left to die. 

It shocked and disgusted me to say the least.  This was being done to babies who were born alive after an induced labor abortion, as late as 22 weeks.  If a mother goes into pre-term labor, and delivers a baby at 22 weeks, every modern medical procedure is used to try to save that baby.  But not for aborted babies who survived. Many times, including in the state of Illinois, they were being left with the dirty towels, and medical waste-alone-and left to die. [1] 

In 2001, the United States Senate passed the federal Born-Alive Infants Protection Act bill unanimously (98-0), which guaranteed some small dignity to these babies while they died or some medical care for them.  Even senators who support abortion signed it.  Senators Barbara Boxer, Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy signed the bill.  Repbulican Senator, John McCain, also signed the bill. [8]   It was approved by Congress and signed into law in 2002.   

In 2001 and 2002 Sen. Barack Obama, had a chance to pass similar state legislation in Illinois.  But he opposed both bills and voted against them, on the basis that the state law could have been used to undermine abortion.  He said he would have supported the state bills if they contained the wording from the federal bill that President Bush signed in 2002, because the federal bill contained protections for Roe v. Wade. [2] 

However, in 2003 an Illinois state bill containing the exact wording of the federal bill was introduced.  This time Sen. Obama chaired the Health and Human Services Committee, where the bill was being debated.  And once again, Sen. Obama voted against the bill. [2] Three times, he voted against a bill giving dignity and medical attention to these helpless babies. [3]

Sen. Obama said the reason he didn’t vote for the 2003 state bill was because it lacked the wording protecting Roe v. Wade as was in the 2002 federal bill.  When challenged by the National Right to Life Committee (NRLC) providing proof that the 2003 state bill and the 2002 federal bill were identical, Sen. Obama said critics of his “born alive” stance were “not telling the truth” and “lying.” [2] 

Sen. Obama’s exact words were,

“… I hate to say that people are lying, but here’s a situation where folks are lying. I have said repeatedly that I would have been completely in, fully in support of the federal bill that everybody supported - which was to say - that you should provide assistance to any infant that was born - even if it was as a consequence of an induced abortion. That was not the bill that was presented at the state level. What that bill also was doing was trying to undermine Roe vs. Wade.” [4]

When presented with proof in from the NRLC on August 11, 2008 that the two bills contained identical wording, not too long after, Obama changed his campaign website and posted a different reason why he was against the bill.  Even Factcheck.org, concludes this (new) reason now being given by Sen. Obama was “not the reason Obama had been giving for his 2003 opposition…it is false.” [2] The Huffington Post also reluctantly reported on August 20, 2008 that the Obama campaign was forced to rebut Sen. Obama’s previous reasons on why he did not vote for the 2003 state bill. [5]

It is easy for anyone to write a blog post, or publish a You Tube video, on a subject without having facts to back it up.  So I have spent time researching this issue, because I wanted to know the truth.  Some argue that the bill in 2003 would have made it easier for doctors to be sued, etc. [5].  But there is undisputed proof that the wording was the same, and based on the reasons Sen. Obama gave, he didn’t vote for the 2003 bill because he claimed the wording was not the same-not because doctors could be sued more easily. [2]

I have to conclude that Sen. Obama is lying about this.  The plain fact is he did not want to vote for the bill, which would have provided treatment and care for these babies.  The fact is Sen. Obama does not want to pass a bill like this because the original decision was for these babies to be aborted.  Sen. Obama says,

“…and that, essentially, adding an additional doctor who then has to be called in an emergency situation to come in and make these assessments is really designed simply to burden the original decision of the woman and the physician to induce labor and perform an abortion.  As I understand it, this puts the burden on the attending physician who has determined, since they were performing this procedure that [the abortion], in fact, this is a nonviable fetus; that if this fetus, or child — however way you want to describe it — is now outside the mother’s womb and the doctor continues to think that it’s nonviable but there’s, let’s say, movement or some indication that, in fact, they’re not just coming out limp and dead, that, in fact, they would then have to call a second physician to monitor and check off and make sure that this is not a live child that could be saved.” [6], [7]

If an abortion is not successful, Sen. Obama does not want another doctor called in, who would be able to determine the health of the living baby, because that would “burden the original decision of the woman.”  

This is heartless and cruel- particularly his statement, “let’s say, movement or some indication that, in fact, they’re not just coming out limp and dead.”  Those are live, breathing, human babies. This statement is so cold.  Sen. Obama wants these babies to come out “limp and dead,” so as not to ruin the original intent of the abortion and not to put any undue burden on physicians.  What about the babies?  It is okay to leave them for dead, so as not to put a physician at risk for being sued? 

Sen. Obama talks about helping every American.  He says he has a message of hope for Americans.  He says he is the candidate for change, but yet he failed to vote for a law not once, not twice, but three times, that every member of the U.S. Senate voted for unanimously that would ensure protection of the most innocent, the most helpless, and the most deserving of compassion and real change- aborted babies who were born alive. 

While no political candidate is perfect, and they all make mistakes, this goes beyond a mistake.  This is the epitome of hypocrisy for me.  Sen. Obama preaches change and there were three chances for Sen. Obama to do the right thing, to step up and make a real change for helpless babies, and practice what he preached. However, not only did he vote down the bill three times, but he lied about it, flat-out accused the people who were telling the truth about this bill of lying, and then tried to cover it up.  

These are not qualities I want in a president.  I realize not every president will be pro-life, but this is beyond being pro-life, or pro-choice. This speaks volumes about the character and the heart of Sen. Obama as a leader, and as a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves. 

At the very least, Sen. Obama should have taken a stand, and told the truth why he didn’t want to vote for the bill instead of lying about it, falsely accusing others of lying, and then trying to cover it up.  Why not explain it?  Because he can’t.  Who can explain something so callous, and merciless as leaving born alive aborted babies to die?   No wonder any talk of abortion has been absent from the debates.  

This is why I had to write this post- this is NOT right.  No one else in the entire United States Senate voted against this bill-but Sen. Obama as a state senator, voted against it three times.  I suppose on some level that is change, but it is not the change I want.   

Sen. Obama says to look at his record, so I have.  Sen. Obama lost all credibility with me because of this issue.  If he can’t be trusted to do what is right for helpless babies, for them not to be tossed aside as medical waste, and left to die, I cannot trust him to do what is right for our nation.  I cannot trust him to do what is right for every American, because he consistently has not with the ones who have needed it the most-born alive aborted babies.

Contrast Sen. Obama’s words and attitude on this issue towards these helpless babies, with these words from other leaders,

“There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children.” ~ Nelson Mandela

“A society will be judged on the basis of how it treats its weakest members and among the most vulnerable are surely the unborn and the dying,”  ~Pope John Paul II

“A nation’s greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members.” ~ Mahatma Ghandi

Some may argue that I am being overly simplistic for choosing my candidate on this singe issue.  What could be more simple and humanitarian than giving born alive abortion babies dignity and healthcare?  It doesn’t get any simpler than this.  Sen. Obama has failed to grasp this three times, and he does not get my vote.  I have taken a stand, and it is that simple. 

EDITED on 10/14: Based on some comments I have received,  I think it is important to know that I am not against Sen. Obama for being pro-choice. I would not be for or against a president strictly because he/she are pro-choice or pro-life.

I am against Sen. Obama because, he failed to intervene and use his power to help these babies that were already born ALIVE. No one was asking him to revert on his pro-choice views. No one was asking him to determine when a life was started, no one was asking him to take away a woman’s right to choose. etc., even though several of the comments are hinting at this, and using this as a reason why Obama voted against the bills.

The last bill in 2003 bill did NOTHING to threaten Roe vs. Wade, and yet he still voted against it. Every member of the Senate, even very liberal and adamant pro-choice senators voted for it such as Barbara Boxer. The bill in Illinois was identical to the bill all the Senate members signed, and he wouldn’t sign it. Then he blamed others and said they were lying, and then tried to cover it up. 

If the motive of the bill was to undermine Roe v. Wade, then the Federal bill would never had passed unanimously in the Senate 2001.  Furthermore, If this was a valid concern, the bill would not have passed in Congress, and signed into law.   

Also, I have read twice in the last two days, that Sen. Obama did not vote down the Illinois state bill for these babies three times, but four times.  The latest person to state this, is Nat Hentoff (who is a liberal), who says in starting off his article “My Tortured Vote for President,”

     “The cold fact that Barack Obama voted four separate times in the Illinois state legislature to deny care to a baby born alive after a botched abortion makes him the most repugnant candidate I will have ever voted for.”  [9]

Hentoff continues to explain that he is really voting for Biden, by voting for Obama, and gives his reasons for doing so. 

When I researched this post, I only came across sites like Fact.check.org, which listed Sen. Obama voted against these bills three times.  I will do some more research into this, and see if I can find the fourth time Sen. Obama voted against the bills. 

Here is a video further discussing Sen. Obama’s record on born alive aborted babies.

Lately, this video has not been showing up on my blog-not sure why, but here is a link to the video, or you can look it up on You Tube- it is under “I Invented the Internet (Ep. 4: Kill and Destroy)”

1.  bnet Business Network: “Hospital Left Aborted Babies to Die-After Birth”

2.  Factcheck.org:  “Obama and Infanticide”

3.  Worldnet Daily: “Obama Changes Abortion Story-Again”

4.  National Review Online: “Life Lies by David Freddoso”

5.  The Huffington Post: “Obama “Infanticide” Smear Gains Traction: Campaign Forced to Rebut”

6.  RS RedState: “In 2002 Barack Obama Supported Infanticide, and I’ve Got the Transcript of His Words by Erick Erickson”

7. State of Illinois 92nd General Assembly Regular Session Senate Transcript April 4, 2002, Pages 33, 34

8.  United States Senate:  Roll Call of Votes on Santorum Amdenment No. 814 (to protect infants born alive)

9.  WorldNetDaily: “My Tortured Vote for President-Nat Hentoff“

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Ryan will be five in January, and up until Saturday night, we have been such perfect parents <joke>, had the luck of never having to take him to the emergency room. 

It had just finished raining on Saturday night, at 7:30.  Ryan was begging to go outside in the backyard and play.  We told him sure, and off he went-running. A second later we heard him screaming, like we have never heard him scream before.

Joe went outside to see what was wrong, and when I heard him say “Where did all this blood come from?” I ran outside too.  Joe was carrying Ryan in, and I was horrified to see a lot of blood running down Ryan’s mouth.  I couldn’t even see his mouth-it was that bloody.  I had no idea what had happened, but saw his chin was bleeding and so was his knee. 

Poor Ryan was so hurt and upset.  Through his tears he kept saying “My blood, my blood.”  I think it freaked him out to see so much blood, and when I glanced out the kitchen window, I saw our entire walkway in the backyard was covered in it. He obviously fell, and either bit his lip as he fell, resulting in the cut, or the impact when he fell made him bite down on his lip.  

As we cleaned up his mouth, we saw that his lip was split, just behind his lip, and it was deep.  Joe thought he needed stitches, so we left for the ER.

To make a really long story short, the ER was backed up for hours.  A nurse graciously came out and told me we would be sitting there for hours. She looked at Ryan’s lip and said he did need to be seen by a doctor.  Thankfully my brother, Jeff, had been at home, and was able to look up the number to the Children’s Hospital Urgent Care Clinic in a town about half an hour away for us.  I called and they were open until midnight, and she said there was only about a fifteen minute wait.

Ryan in the meantime, had calmed down a bit, but he was still really in a lot of pain.  His mouth had stopped bleeding too.  He kept coughing though in the car, like he was gagging, and I was hoping he wasn’t going to be sick-probably from all the blood he had swallowed.  He didn’t want to drink anything, and he screamed if we so much put ice near his mouth.

By the time we had waited at the ER, and drove to the urgent care center, and finally was seen by a doctor, two and a half hours had passed.  The doctor said it was our call if we wanted Ryan to have stitches.  She said fortunately, since the wound was on the inside of his mouth, there would be no scaring, and she said mouth wounds heal very fast.  She also said all his teeth were fine.  We didn’t really know what to do- the wound looked so bad, so I asked her what she recommended.

She said if it was her son, she would skip the stitches.  She said it would require a numbing shot, and then the stitches.  Joe and I agreed with her. Ryan was finally calm, and acting better (I am sure the Motrin the nurse gave him was helping), and we didn’t want to put him through any more trauma and stress, especially if it wasn’t needed.  The doctor gave us some tips for cleaning the wound, and told us it should look better in a few days-not worse.

We left.  Joe and I were starving- we had fed the boys dinner, but we hadn’t eaten before all this happened.  There was a Wendy’s open, and Ryan asked for a Frosty, so we were happy he was feeling better. 

Cole was just amazing through all of this.  He was SO good and acted like such a big boy.  At one point he kept pointing to his mouth, and saying “Ouch,” and wanted me to kiss his mouth.  I think he was having sympathy pains for his brother.

We got both the boys a Frosty, and drove home.  Around 11, we finally got Ryan to bed, and he was so tired.  He fell right asleep. 

On Sunday, his knee was sore, but he was feeling a lot better and had no problems eating, even though his lip is really swollen and the wound is black and blue.  He went to his grandparents house with Joe, and had fun helping Dad and Grandpa cut down a tree, but he also took a long nap. 

I’m glad in this case, the injury looked worse than it was, and now we have experience in dealing with a mouth wound.  It never ceases to amaze me how resilient kids are, and how fast they can bounce back.  It is kind of amazing we haven’t had more of these episodes, but with two active boys, I have a feeling we haven’t seen the last of the urgent care/ER yet.

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If you have read my blog for a while, you know that I write frequently about c-sections.  It is my opinion that Cesarean sections are over performed in this country.  Previous posts I have written, discuss many of the complications that can arise from c-sections.  Despite the many risks and complications associated with c-sections, the c-section rate continues to rise.  Last year in the US, it was 31.1 percent of births.  That is a little more than one in three births.

The New York Times had an article on Sunday reporting that many insurance companies will no longer accept mothers who have had a previous c-section.  The thinking behind this is, once a woman has had one c-section chances are, she will have another one.  Because VBAC’s (vaginal birth after cesarean) are banned and prohibited in so many hospitals, the only choice basically left for women birthing another baby after a c-section, is another c-section.  Because so many c-sections are not medically necessary, the insurance companies don’t want to pay for them. 

Insurance companies are rejecting these mothers coverage, and some insurers even consider having a c-section, a pre-existing condition.  What makes this even scarier, is once someone has been denied coverage and rejected by one insurance company, they have to disclose that to subsequent insurance companies they apply to.  Once an insurance company sees the mother has been rejected, a red flag goes up, and makes it even harder to get coverage.  If they do get coverage their premiums are extremely pricey and expensive.  In Colorado it was estimated some premiums would be 140% more than standard rates. 

The article quoted Pamela Udy, from the nonprofit group, International Caesarean Awareness Network, (ICAN) whose mission is to prevent unnecessary Cesareans.  ”Obstetricians are rendering large numbers of women uninsurable by overusing this surgery.”

There are a few “exceptions” some of the insurance companies are making, where they will cover a woman who has had a previous c-section, such as:  

• If the woman has been sterilized after the cesarean section
• If the woman is over the age of 40 AND at least two years had past since the c-section
• If after five years, there has not been a complicated pregnancy AND another c-section

These hardly seem like fair options.  You can only get coverage after a c-section if you have been sterilized? 

This is definitely a fall out from c-sections being performed unnecessarily.  The article mentions that women are caught in the middle of this mess between insurance companies and doctors. Pamela Udy says,  “Women are caught in the middle of a dysfunctional system. Doctors are telling them they need surgery, even when they don’t, and insurance companies, who are tired of paying the bill for so many frivolous surgeries, are punishing women for the poor medical care of doctors.”

This situation should be alarming for every woman in their child bearing years.  Even if you have no intention what-so-ever of having a c-section, in the rare case that you did need a medically necessary one, you can be denied insurance coverage now, because the procedure has been over performed.

Doctors and hospitals must start allowing VBAC’s, and return to delivering breech babies, in order to lower the ever rising c-section rate.  If nothing else, c-sections should be reserved for true emergency situations.  Something has to change- now more than ever, our very health depends on it. 

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Cole is two years old today!  I have been thinking a lot about this week about my labor, delivery, and his birth.  He was technically born on the third Monday of May, and on Monday I was remembering the time line of his birth.

Having had a c-section with Ryan, I was attempting a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarian with Cole.)  I have been through a c-section birth before, but with Cole, it was obvious my first time being in labor.  I remember after 42 hours of labor, and a successful VBAC, I finally was holding my brand new baby boy, and I couldn’t believe how small and tiny he was.  I had forgotten what a newborn looked and felt like.  The tiny toes, the tiny fingers, the microscopic finger and toenails, the way his body just nestled into mine and Joe’s- like that space existed just for him.  I relished those first few days and weeks- knowing in a blink of an eye, my newborn would be gone forever, and in its place, I’d have a baby, toddler, and then a little boy.

Two years later, a little boy has replaced my sweet newborn.  His toes and fingers are no longer tiny.  He doesn’t fit ‘just so’ in my arms, and in a sense I have forgotten again the details of a newborn.  However, two years ago, I could not even begin to imagine how much I am in love with the little boy Cole is.

While he is no longer a baby, he is such a special little boy.  His smile lights up a room.  He loves trying to make us laugh, and he succeeds every day.  From playing peek-a-boo with the kitchen towel, to trying on all of our clothes and shoes, and parading around the house, with the biggest smile on his face. 

Cole thrives on touch, hugs, and kisses.  I will never be lacking a child to hug, kiss or cuddle with.  As he turns two, Cole is learning to talk quite well, with his favorite words being, “mama,” “dada,” “me,” “eat,” and of course, “Ryan.”

Cole loves his big brother to pieces, and has to do everything just like him.  The other day, Ryan’s foot was hurting, and after I was done inspecting it, Cole came running up to me, lifting his foot up too, “whining.” 

While he tries to be just like Ryan, he is also very much his own person.  I love seeing how his personality is changing and growing.  I like to see him develop his different skills, outside of Ryan.  One thing I have noticed is how mechanical he seems to be, and can already put anything back together that he takes apart.  He also loves babies.  Everywhere we go, when he sees a baby, he yells “Baby!” and starts waving hello. 

Two years ago, I had a newborn placed on my chest, and while I knew his name, weight, and eye color, for all practical purposes, he was a blank canvas- I knew absolutely nothing about him.  Today, on his second birthday, my little boy’s portrait is being filled in with the most brilliant and vibrant colors.  Every day I discover a new color that is added to his portrait.  While I know the canvas is always a work in progress, I am so privileged and blessed to be Cole’s mother, and to see his essence being painted.

Happy Birthday, my darling Cole.  I love you so very, very much.  

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I saw this article called, How Depressing: It’s A Boy, today on MSN.  I only had time to scan over it briefly at the time, but being a mother of two boys, and having had suffered from post-partum depression (PPD), three months after Cole was born, of course I was interested in reading the study in detail.

After I read it, I was really upset for a variety of reasons.  For starters, this study only had 17 French women in it.  That is not enough of a sample to say for certain, what this study is suggesting.  Even the article pointed out that the “since the study was conducted on a very small group of women, it is possible the findings are just a statistical quirk.” 

The study also never even asked the women if they were hoping for a particular gender, yet they speculate that at least French mothers may prefer daughters to sons.  This is based on what?  Personal feelings?  There is no science backing this speculation up at all. 

I have known at least six women (myself included) who have suffered from various degrees of PPD over the years.  Four of them have been mothers of girls, and myself and one other mother, have been the mothers of boys.  If this French study studied my circle, they would have the opposite findings. 

For this study to hold any merit whatsoever, they would have to study a variety of women, on a MUCH larger scale, for several years, to see if the statistics they had,  (out of 17 mothers with severe depression, 13 of them had baby boys,) proved to be consistent with different and larger study groups.  I think this study was flawed and didn’t include enough subjects to draw a conclusion like they are claiming- that boys cause PPD. 

Personally, I think a major cause of PPD, is hormonal and a nutrient imbalance.  As soon as I started replenishing my levels of nutrients, especially the B vitamins and Omega-6’s, my depression went away.  I know that isn’t the case for everyone, but I think it is a really far stretch and drawing at straws to say because you have a boy you are at greater risk for PPD. 

I also think the temperament of the baby has a lot to do with it too.  Whether the baby is a boy or a girl, if a baby is a high needs baby, is a fussy baby, or cries constantly, obviously a mother’s stress level is going to increase, which could put her at a higher risk for developing PPD.  These babies are harder to take care of.  Not every mother with a baby like this has PPD, but if they want to find causes, certainly this could be another factor contributing to PPD than simply saying the gender is the cause of PPD.  How many of those mothers in the French study had babies that had colic, or cried constantly, or screamed if they weren’t being held at all hours of the day?  How many of these depressed mothers were severely sleep deprived, which can be another contributing factor to PPD.

I also have a MAJOR problem with another part of the writings in this study which claim that women want ”mini-me’s” (daughters) not sons.  I find that VERY offensive, and how shallow and condescending is that to the millions and millions of mothers who have sons?  Suddenly we are all secretly longing for daughters so we can have our “mini-me’s.”  Absolutely insulting!

It gets worse- the study goes on to theorize that when a woman doesn’t get the gender (boy or girl) that she was hoping for “she is more likely to suffer from decreased quality of life or severe depression.”  Again, how insulting to every mother who may have hoped that she was having one gender over the other?  That doesn’t mean that every woman every time, who doesn’t get the gender of baby she was hoping for, is more likely to suffer from a decreased quality of life. 

Usually, the mothers who I know, (myself included), who were hoping for a boy or a girl, and then had the opposite gender they were hoping for, couldn’t imagine their life without their baby, and would not give him or her up for their “desired” gender in a million years. Their quality of life improves with their baby, not decreases.  This study paints women and mothers as so shallow- as if having a boy or a girl-your desired gender- is the key to happiness, and not having your desired gender causes mothers to suffer from severe depression.  I just don’t believe that is the case with the majority of mothers.

I also have to respond to the study’s claim that women really do prefer girls over boys, because girls are requested more often in overseas adoptions from couples in the West- especially in America.  I don’t think this claim is true at all,  just because girls are being requested to be adopted in overseas adoptions over boys. 

I believe the reason more baby girls are requested in adoptions outside the US, is in these countries, THEY (parents in these countries) don’t want girls and put them up for adoption more often than sons.  In many countries where Americans are allowed to adopt, sons are the preferred gender, and parents will abandon girls more often than sons, bringing them to orphanages. 

It seems to me that this is common knowledge, and women in the US, who want to adopt a baby from these countries know that.  They know they will have a shorter wait, and a better chance of adopting a baby if they request a girl, because there are more girls waiting to be adopted than boys.  It is a simple supply and demand situation.

I wasn’t even going to blog about this study because I think this study is complete nonsense and just something else to make mothers of sons worry needlessly about.  I didn’t want to “publicize” this study any more than it already has been.

My sister suggested I write a post about it, so if mothers who do read this study are troubled by it, and seek additional information, there would be something else- another viewpoint- to consider.  That is the only reason I am blogging about this. 

I believe most mothers love and cherish their babies, no matter what their gender is.  Post-partum depression does happen, but for it to be contributed only because a mother is depressed because she didn’t have a boy or a girl, is just so far fetched.

It is irresponsible for this study to be published  and publicized as it is, because there is no other studies that can back it up.  It can cause more harm and grief to mothers who may be suffering from depression- now they have to wonder if their baby’s gender could be causing their depression. 

Until there is evidence and several more mothers studied in this case, these types of studies serve no valuable purpose to mothers.  When the statistics in the study have a real possiblity of only being a “quirk,” don’t publish these types of “findings” until there is scientific evidence to back it up- with real, fact based, statistics. 

Now I am getting off my soapbox, and going to go tuck my two, loveable, sweet, adoring, sons who have brought me so much joy and happiness- whom I’d give my life for- into bed. 

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BlogHer has announced that it has teamed up Global Giving in an effort to save as many women’s lives as possible between now and Mother’s Day. 

We are so very fortunate to live in an area in the world, where we as women, have access to world class health care.  Unfortunately for many women across the globe, just basic health care, let alone specialized maternity care is not available.  Consider some of the statistics hundreds of thousands of women (and their babies) have to face (as posted on BlogHer):   

* Every year, 529,000 women die from pregnancy-related causes.
* Children who have lost their mothers are up to 10 more times more likely to die prematurely than those who haven’t.
* Most maternal deaths (61 per cent) take place during labour, delivery or in the immediate post-partum period. Some 3.4 million newborns die within the first week of life.
UNFPA

From the Mother and Child Clinic in Nepal, to helping mothers safely birth healthy babies in Afghanistan, (where a woman dies of pregnancy-related causes every 27 minutes), the Global Giving projects can help save women’s lives in these desperate areas. 

BlogHer has joined forces with Global Giving to make a difference in maternal health, and help save lives. BlogHer wants to find out how many women’s lives can be saved from donations between now and Mother’s Day.  

I am joining Amy from Crunchy Domestic Goddess, and will donate 50% of the sales from my on-line store, Little Pumpkin Sweet Pea Designs,  for the rest of April until Mother’s Day to the BlogHers Act/Global Giving project. 

If you have browsed my store before, and have had your eye on something, now is a perfect time to go for it.  Obviously you will have a cute shirt, but more importantly you will be helping to make a difference in maternal health for women who greatly need it. 

If you have never browsed the store before, click here (or at the above link,) or on the store button in the right hand sidebar.  This isn’t a post to promote my store, only a way to help raise money for this great cause, so I am only providing the link to the store, and not showing any pictures or links to any of the items. 

You can also make a donation directly to the Global Giving project, by clicking here (or on the button at the top of the post).  Please consider helping out in anyway you can.  After reading what some of these women have to endure, it puts it all in perspective how very lucky we really are.

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A few months ago my good friend, Amy (from Crunchy Domestic Goddess), informed me that Attachment Parenting International (API) was in the process of re-designing its website. 

Amy is also photographer, and asked me for permission to submit some maternity photos she took of our family when I was pregnant with Cole for API to consider using for their new website.  Of course I told her yes, not really expecting any of them to be used.

Tonight Amy informed me that API’s new website is finished, and our family is on the homepage!  I was pleasantly surprised when I went to the site and saw not one, but two photos from our session on the homepage, and a banner link.

Obviously I am very happy and surprised that our photos were chosen, but I am very proud that the images captured by Amy for our family will be used for Attachment Parenting International to help promote parenting practices that create strong, healthy emotional bonds between children and their parents.

Attachment Parenting is a philosophy based in the practice of nurturing parenting methods that create strong emotional bonds, also known as secure attachment, between the infant and parent(s). This style of parenting encourages responsiveness to the infant or child’s emotional needs, and develops trust that their emotional needs will be met. As a result, this strong attachment helps the child develop secure, empathic, peaceful, and enduring relationships.

API is a non-profit organization, and I volunteer as the treasurer for my local group.  API now has several exciting changes they would like to announce, including:

• A newly redesigned web site and new logo at Attachment Parenting.org;
• Attachment parenting worldwide support forums;
• Parent Education Program - a comprehensive series of classes for every stage and age of child development from infancy through adulthood;
• A new book based on API’s Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting by API co-founders Lysa Parker and Barbara Nicholson which is expected to be available this summer;
• A series of podcasts, webinars, chats, and forums with API Advisory Board members and other supporters of AP. Future events are scheduled with Dr. Bob Sears, Dr. James McKenna, and Kathleen Kendall Tacket. Check out the events page for more information.

These are just a few of many exciting things going on at API. I hope you’ll stop by and check it out for yourself.

The pictures of our family are the first two pictures in the block of three, from left to right, and the first banner link on the right side bar which says, “API News.” 

**Edited on April 3rd- After I wrote this post, API changed the pictures on the website and used a different photo in the second spot.**

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This is a follow up post to the post I wrote about C-sections, The Reality of C-Sections.  While writing that post, the thought occurred to me that it may be helpful to share some tips and ideas that could help mothers recover from a C-section.  Some of these tips I learned first hand, while I was in my recovery period, and some I learned and heard about after the fact.   If you have any other tips or something that is not mentioned here that worked for you, please let me know and I’ll add it to the post.  If you have had a C-section, it can be a long process to get “back to normal,” so any ideas we can pass on to other mothers recovering from their C-sections, I am sure will be appreciated.  :-) 

• Rest and Do Not ”Over Do” It- I know this is easier said than done, especially since there is a new baby, but I believe, in general, this is THE most important factor in determining how fast your recovery time will be.  Not only have you just had major abdominal surgery, but you are caring for a brand new baby, whose existence depends on you right now.  The laundry, and housework can wait.  Give yourself permission to rest at least for a week, and not take on all the housework too. Focus on your baby- that will be tiring enough, without worrying about the housework.  Your body needs rest to heal properly. 

If you are finding it hard to do this, (like I did), pretend that you just had major abdominal surgery for any reason other than having a baby.  Pretend that you had to have a hysterectomy (which is very similar to a C-section).  Would you be up and trying to cook dinner?  Would you be stressed your towels weren’t washed, or your bathrooms weren’t clean?  Chances are, no.  You would forget about these tasks for a while, and would be resting.  More than likely, you would have your husband, friends, or other family members helping out.  That brings me to my next tip:

• Let Others Help Out- Again, I know this can be easier said than done.  No one likes to admit that we need help, but the one time in your life where you will need help is after having a C-section with a new baby.  Let your husband cook dinner, and put away the laundry.  No, he won’t do it exactly like you do, but in the end, it will get done.  Or if you have a friend or family member nearby, and when they ask how you are doing (which they will) tell you need some help, or tell them it would be wonderful if they could come over and help with a small task.  Make a short list for them, so they know what you would like help with. This also ensures they won’t start cooking something for dinner, trying to be helpful, when your husband is bringing take-out home. 

It is hard to ask for help, but again consider if your friend just had a baby, and asked if you could help her with a load of laundry.  Wouldn’t you jump at the chance to help her out?  Most people want to help, and it makes them feel good and useful.  If they can’t do it, or don’t want to, they will find an excuse not to come over.  But I believe that would be an exception.  Besides, they are all dying to see your new baby, and if I have to throw a load of laundry in the dryer to see a cute new baby, no problem. 

Don’t forget that you can ask for help with the baby too.  Maybe you are just dying to take a shower, or grab a short nap.  If your baby is okay being held by someone else, ask them to come over for an hour.  Believe me, most people will jump at the chance to come over and hold your baby.  Having a few minutes or a shower in peace, is not being a bad mother- it is a necessity for you to keep going, and to heal.  Friends and family are wonderful and can help so much.  You only have to ask, and let them know a little help would be greatly appreciated.

• Don’t Overdo It With Visitors- Didn’t I just suggest to have friends and family help out?  Yes I did, but there is a big difference in having a few trusted friends and family over who you know will help out with what you ask them to, say hi briefly, and be gone.  You will be wiped out from the surgery and taking care of a newborn.  Now is not the time to have your chatty Aunt Cathy over for hours, or all your college roommates.  There will be plenty of time for you to have extended visits with these family and friends.   You need time to rest and heal.  You can’t do that when you have a constant stream of visitors in your house. 

A few ways of keeping visitors to a minimum are, stay in your pajamas, get into bed,  or put a robe on when someone is coming by for a visit.  You can tell them that you were going to take a nap, and if they see you in your PJ’s, or even laying down in bed, or on the couch,  they usually will get the hint not to stay too long.  Another great suggestion is you can say your doctor advised you to rest, and not have visitors right now, so you can recover from surgery.  It is pretty hard for that insistent relative who has decided she needs to see your baby *right now* to argue with doctor’s orders.  I also had a friend who had her baby at home.   Her midwife put a sign on the door saying something to the effect while the family appreciates shorts visits, this is time for the family to bond, and for the mother to heal and rest.  It specifically asked that visitors stay no more than 10 minutes, and if you see something that needs to be done, it would be appreciated if you could do it. 

The point is, that it is your house, your body that needs to heal, and your baby.  You don’t have to play hostess right now.  You can call the shots, so to speak, on which visitors you take, and how long you would like the visits to be.  Don’t feel bad, guilty, or feel like you are being rude.  People who want to see you and your baby will understand you need to rest, heal, and bond with your baby now.  The baby will still be there in a week or two, or even three for them to visit.

• Follow the Doctor’s and or Nurses Suggestions- This one may seem obvious, but because some of us (okay, me) think we know better, we may try to ignore some of the discharge instructions.  Obviously, the health-care providers have lots of experience and tips.  They are not telling you not to climb stairs to be mean and confine you to one area of your house.  There is a reason for the suggestions, and having learned the hard and painful way, the suggestions really are given to ease pain, and speed up your recovery.   

For me, it was driving.  I was told not to drive for at least ten days.  Ridiculous, I thought.  One night about a week after I was home, I really wanted to have some pictures of Ryan printed.  Joe was exhausted, so I told him I would hop in the Jeep (an automatic too) and drive the 3 miles to my closest Walgreen’s.  He reminded me I wasn’t supposed to drive.  I told him I would be fine.  BIG mistake.  I never knew you used the muscles that were cut during the C-section to drive, but you do.  Every time I hit the gas and brake, it hurt- a lot.  After I got home, I was very sore, and even during the next few days, it felt like I had stretched the muscles in the incision area, and they were very tender.  I learned that night there was a good reason I was told not to drive while I was healing- it hurt, and it was like taking five steps backwards with my body healing.

• If You Have Stairs, Move What You Need Into One Area- Stairs can be excruciating to walk up right after a C-section.  I have 14 of them leading to my upstairs.  My bedroom, bathroom, and Ryan’s nursery are all upstairs.  Walking up and down the stairs killed me.  I thought my incision was going to rip open, with every step I took.  After two days of this, when I came home from the hospital, I sat down in the glider in Ryan’s nursery and told Joe I was staying right there.  I was NOT walking up and down the stairs anymore.  I had all of Ryan’s clothes, blankets, and diaper items right there in the room.  Joe would bring me water, and food.  Because of a technicality with our bed (it is very high off the ground), I could not climb up into it or get out of it, without intense pain.  So I slept in the glider for three nights as well.

Have your husband or all those friends and family who want to help, move your items on one floor for at least a few days so you don’t have to stress your incision by climbing stairs.  There may be cases where you have to climb stairs, but you will not want to make any trips up the stairs that are not necessary.  My baby’s room worked well for me, since all his items were there, it was pretty easy to “set shop” up there for a few days.  Joe just kept a monitor on downstairs, and whenever I needed him to bring me something, I just called him.  This may seem like a small point, but it will help your body heal.

• Follow Your Pain Medication Instructions- I forgot often to take my pain meds.  It wasn’t like I was busy or anything with a new baby.  A nurse told me when your body has pain, then your blood pressure goes up and it will take more medication  and it takes longer to stop the pain, than if you had stayed on top of the schedule.  This was really true.  When I forgot to take my pain medication, it took more medicine and it took longer for the pain to stop.  When I took it on schedule, I virtually had no pain- there wasn’t time for the dosages to wear off.   

I didn’t like taking the pain medication and I know that contributed a lot to me forgetting to take it.  It was a big psychological block for me too.  I felt “sick” taking medication several times a day.  I tried to wean myself off of it for a few days, before I allowed myself to just take it. I had to tell myself I wasn’t sick, and I wasn’t going to be taking it forever, but for the time being, my body needed it to help control the pain, so it could heal. 

• Have A Pillow Nearby You Can Hold Up Against Your Incision- I was sick to my stomach after my C-section, due to the anesthesia.  Throwing up after a C-section, is NOT fun.  It was the worst pain I have ever had in my life.  Coughing, and laughing after a C-section is not fun either.  More intense pain. 

After I was home, my aunt, who is a nurse, came to see me.  I told her how much it hurt when I coughed, sneezed, or laughed.  Actually, I was trying not to laugh to avoid the pain.  She told me to hold a pillow into the incision/stomach area.  She said that would help support the muscles in that area.  I tried it and it worked great!  It was a great tip- I only wish I had known about it when I was in the hospital.

• Have Something To Prop Yourself Up In Bed With- While I was in the hospital, any time I wanted to sleep or rest, I could just hit the button on the bed, and it would adjust into a position I could be comfortable in with no pain.  After coming home, trying to lay down flat in bed was awful.  I needed to be reclined somewhat, but the pillows I had weren’t working.  Finally one of those reader pillows with the armrests to the sides, did the trick, when I was able to finally climb into bed and tolerate the pain. 

 Of course we didn’t have one, and no stores in our area had them, so my aunt saved the day when she brought me hers to borrow.  This was one of those things that I never even thought about, until I was faced with reality that I couldn’t lay down flat to sleep.

• Eat Nutritious Food and Beverages- This goes without saying, but not only will you feel better if you eat nutritious and healthy meals, but your will be giving your body the best energy sources you can, to help it do its job of healing.  Drink as much water as you can, especially if you are breastfeeding. 

Eat as much organic everything that you can afford.  You can certainly have some treats if you feel like it, but the more nutritious food you supply your body with, the better and faster job it will do in repairing itself.      

• Hire A Post-Partum Doula- If you have family and friends nearby, this may not be necessary.  But if you don’t, or don’t have anyone you feel comfortable with asking to help out, a post-partum doula can be a lifesaver and the best money you will spend.  PP doulas will come to your home and will follow up with you, see how you are doing, check on the baby, hold the baby, cook, clean, do laundry, and general housekeeping.  I think a PP doula services would come in very handy as well, if say you only had your husband to help out.  He will be tired too, will be adjusting to the baby, and trying to keep you happy.  A PP doula can help ease his work load as well, and give him a much deserved break. 

In my area, the PP doula’s will come in for as little as one hour a day, up to forty hours a week.  Even if you think you can’t afford a PP doula, in actuality, you might be able to for a few hours a week.  Keep in mind too, it isn’t forever- just until you have recovered enough to start taking on the chores yourself.  Different doulas charge differently, so it may be helpful to interview a few several weeks before your due date, so you can have someone in mind.  Even if you don’t have a C-section, a PP doula is wonderful.  Consider how much it would cost if you overdo it, and end up back in the hospital for a few days.  You would have to pay for a hospital stay again, and most doulas fees don’t come anywhere near what you would pay for a hospital visit.  A PP doula can help you manage tasks, and ensure you don’t end up over doing it. 

If you have an unplanned C-section, you may not have even thought of many of these tips or ideas, but hopefully you can incorporate as many as you can, depending how far along in your recovery you are.  However, if you know you have to have a C-section, do what you can before the C-section in terms of moving things in one area, lining up friends and family to help, etc. and it will make it that much easier and restful for you, and your family when you come home. 

I know first hand how hard it is to be out of commission for a while.  If you overdo it, you will be out even longer.  Allow yourself the time you need to feel better, and recover from your C-section.  You will feel better faster, and you will be a much happier and healthier mama for your baby. 

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I wanted to say congratulations to three of my friends, who all had babies in March.  Ironically, they were all due within a week or so of each other, and the last baby was born today- Yea!  Two of the mama’s live out of state (in the same state, but they don’t know each other), and the other mama lives in my state. 

My first friend to deliver, E., was due on March 20th.  She had a scheduled c-section on Wednesday March 12th, because her baby was breech.  E., knew she was having a boy, and Wyatt was born at 9:01am.  He was 7lbs. 15oz.  He has light, wispy hair just like his mama, and is absolutely adorable.  He has the cutest, chubbiest, cheeks.  E., and Wyatt are home, and despite Wyatt having a bit of jaundice, they are doing well. 

Our second friend to deliver, T., was not due until March 25th.  At her recent check-up they discovered T. was developing preeclampsia so the decision was made to induce that day.  After being administered the drugs to control the preeclampsia and being in labor for over 14 hours, T., delivered her daughter, Molly via c-section.  T., did not know what the gender of her baby was until she said she heard the doctor say, “It’s a girl.”  Molly was born on March 18th at 6:14pm.  She was 7lbs. 10oz.  She has a lot of dark hair, and is beautiful.  I think Molly looks like her dad, and Joe thinks she looks just like T.  After recovering for a few days in the hospital, T., and Molly are at home now resting, and healing. 

Finally, my friend N., welcomed her third son, Kieran, this morning, March 25th, at 9:25am.  N. was due on the 20th, so she was very ready for Kieran to be born.  Kieran weighed 7 lbs. 7oz.  I haven’t seen any pictures yet, but N., says he has light colored hair and blue eyes.  N., delivered Kieran at home, with a relatively short labor.  Kieran was born after the third push.  Since N., lives in my state, I can’t wait to see Kieran in person.

I am so thrilled, happy, and excited for all three of my friends!  For E., and T., they are first time mama’s, and there is nothing like having your first baby.  N., is an awesome mother already with her two boys, and now there is a new brother, and I know she will excel as a mother of three.  They all did amazing jobs bringing their babies into the world, under different circumstances- they are all powerful birthing goddesses! 

Congratulations to E., T., N., and their families.  I  know they are all enjoying their sweet new babies.  We love you all! 

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Cross-posted at BlogherAn excerpt from Attorney Daily:   “Government health officials have conceded that childhood vaccines worsened a rare, underlying ailment that in due course led to autism-like symptoms in a Georgia girl, and that she should be rewarded from a federal vaccine-injury fund.”This story has also been in the newspapers and on the news.  While I don’t believe that vaccines cause autism in every child, or the reason a child is autistic is because of vaccines, I do believe vaccines can harm children that may have other factors going on with them, like the above case. 

I don’t think there is a “one size fits all” for every child, when it comes to vaccinations.  While some babies and children can tolerate the recommended vaccination schedule by the American Academy of Pediatrics, I think it is becoming very obvious to many parents that this may not be the best schedule for their child.

In our case, I did not see the need for my babies- at birth- to have a Hepatitis B vaccination.  Hepatitis B is a blood borne disease.  It can only be contracted by coming in contact with an infected person’s blood, or by sexual contact.  Since Ryan and Cole would be at home with me full-time, the risk was extremely low, that our newborns would be coming in contact with a Hep. B infected person’s blood.  Hepatitis B can live and survive on dried blood for about a week.  As Ryan got older, the probability increased that he could come in contact with dried blood- still not likely, but more probable than when he was a newborn.  At this point we decided to have him vaccinated for Hepatitis B.  We will do the same with Cole when he gets older.  Both our boys are on a delayed immunization schedule. 

I firmly believe that all the vaccines that are recommended for such small babies and children, could harm them. It may not show up as autism, but it could magnify itself as a behavior problem or even allergies.  I read an article not too long ago, which said there was some research being conducted which was trying to see if there was a link between allergies and vaccines. The thought was when a newborn and children under the age of 2 or so, are subjected to so many vaccinations, many mixed together, (MMR for example), it overwhelms the child’s underdeveloped immune system.  Since the child’s system is so busy fighting and making antibodies to these vaccines, something has to give, and it can’t fight off the common triggers for allergies. 

Whether this link will be shown or not, it does make sense to me in the fact that how can we expect a baby’s immune system which isn’t developed, to be able to fight off all the vaccines and allergen triggers they are exposed to? 

I also find it disturbing that so many of the vaccines are mixed together.  I suppose this is done so the baby only has to have one shot, but given that there is so much that is still unknown about what happens when vaccines are mixed together, there should at least be the option for parents to have their children receive only one vaccine at a time.  I would rather have my baby get another shot, than be increasing his chances of developing autism. 

I learned first hand that in this day and age, that isn’t even an option, we were holding out immunizing Ryan for measles, mumps, and rubella (MMR).  A lot of the research I had done had stated numerous children have had problems right after receiving this vaccine.  Some within 24 hours of having it, started displaying autistic symptoms.  Numerous more suffered bad reactions and had several days of high fevers, vomiting, and other problems.

After doing more research on the measles and mumps rates in my area, I learned there was only one case of measles in my area within the last two years, and two cases of mumps.  The measles case was in a child that had been adopted from a foreign country.  Rubella (German measles) are only contracted by females.  It just seemed ridiculous that we could be possibly jeopardizing our son’s health with serious consequences for diseases that were not a problem in our area. When I asked Ryan’s doctor at the time why boys need to be immunized for rubella, (even though they can never contract it), he said it was to protect pregnant women.  Rubella can be devastating to a pregnant woman’s baby. 

Before I got pregnant for the first time, I got immunized for rubella (I didn’t know for sure if I ever had been vaccinated for it).  I was told to wait three months before trying to become pregnant, and that was that.  Why are we possibly compromising our children’s health and giving them immunizations to protect adults, who should be capable of being immunized later in life for rubella?  What are the chances an infected female child with rubella would come in contact with a pregnant woman and infect her, (assuming they weren’t family members?)  It seems like this is overkill for situations that have low probabilities of happening in the first place.  When was the last time you heard of a pregnant woman’s baby being harmed from rubella by an un-vaccinated girl?  When was the last time you heard of or know of a child who was diagnosed with autism, Asperger syndrome, or severe allergies? 

Back to the MMR vaccine.  We wanted to delay this vaccine for as long as possible when a mumps outbreak occurred in my county.  Mumps can cause sterility in boys, in severe cases, and we were concerned.  I thought I could just call my doctor at the time and ask for the mumps vaccines, bypassing the measles and rubella ones.  WRONG.

You would have thought I had called and asked for a Nobel Prize winner in medicine to develop a new vaccine, available only for Ryan.  It took the nurse two days to call me back after asking me why in the world I would want just the mumps vaccine- didn’t I know about the MMR vaccine?  She said she had to “check into it.”  She finally told me that they don’t make just a mumps vaccine by itself, not in the MR mix.  A few of my friends were also concerned and one of my friends said her doctor (who is now our doctor) could order just the mumps vaccine, but it only came in large quantities and he would have to order the entire case.  He said if we could come up with about 25 kids who only wanted the mumps vaccine he would order it, but otherwise it was not profitable for him to do it.

I understand where he was coming from.  This doctor is a single practice, and he does have to watch his costs.  But the first place was a large clinic in town.  I had seen 25 kids in the waiting room every time I went there.  Surely, they would have other parents who only wanted a mumps vaccine.  I was furious that they wouldn’t order just the mumps vaccine.  I called them back and asked them again about this, and the bottom line was they just didn’t want to do that, and said the mumps vaccine needed to be given with the measles and rubella vaccine, and their doctors were not interested in giving separate mumps vaccines.

Needless to say, this was just ridiculous.  From the moment I saw Ryan, and Cole, I let my instincts guide me.  They have not been wrong yet.  Something just tells me all these vaccines can’t be good for their systems when they are so young.  Even though I don’t need “proof” from the government that vaccines can be harmful, it does reinforce that when you listen to your instincts as a parent, you are usually right.

I hope this case today helps parents, who have children with autism or any other vaccine injuries in the future.  I hope it gives other parents food for thought.  Just because something is recommended by your doctor, the government, the pediatric associations, or anyone else, etc. you don’t have to do it, if it feels wrong.  Trust your instincts. 

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