It has been a while since I have written on the topic of C-sections.  However, a post I wrote almost two years ago, The Reality of C-Sections, remains the most popular post on A Mama’s Blog.  It has received over 11,000 page views to date.  I decided to share my C-section experience and what I learned so others could be informed, and make decisions about C-sections based on knowledge.  I would have never been able to go out and tell 11,000 plus people my experience, so I am pleased the post has been successful. 

Of course not everyone agrees with me, and I get passionate comments from women on both sides of the issue.  Some women have chosen to share their own C-sections stories with me privately, and in the comments.  Some are horrifying.  Some are heartbreaking.  I have cried at many of the stories, because so many of the causes given for the C-sections seemed so unnecessary to begin with, and the toll the surgery has taken in these experiences, is extensive.

I have received many comments from women who say their C-sections were great experiences and they have no regrets.  I have received accusations from other readers who think I am trying to scare women.  I have been called every obscene name at least twice.  

I don’t mind a difference of opinion that is conducted in a respectful manner, but after my health issues last year, I have less of a tolerance for rude comments and readers taking personal shots at me.  Lately, whenever I see a comment has come in on the C-section post, I get butterflies in my stomach, and hope it isn’t a nasty comment.  I have defended my position so many times in the comments there really isn’t anything new that I can offer, that I haven’t already stated.  If it is a comment attacking me personally, I delete the comment.  It serves no purpose to anyone to state an argument in that manner.

I have been thinking about closing comments on that post.  At what point does a discussion run its course?   But then I will receive a comment from someone who has thanked me for writing the post.  Or a woman shares her C-section experience.  So many women have said they have cried while typing out their stories, and I believe just by being able to type out the words, it helps heal.  I know, because writing helped me start to heal from the unresolved issues I had from my C-section.

On Sunday a very touching story from Sarah was posted on her C-section experience. (It is the fifth to the last comment currently in that post’s comments).  Her experience brought tears to my eyes, and as soon as I read this sentence that she wrote, “i am not sure that i will ever get over the emotional trauma i experienced when my daughter was born,” I realized closing the comments would be a mistake.  Reading this from Sarah made me realize how deeply the emotional trauma can run from a C-section.  While it lessens, it never fully goes away.  Just like the positive aspects of birth never go away, the negative emotional tolls don’t either. 

Six years has passed since my own less than ideal and emotionally traumatic C-section.  It is disheartening on some level to read that some C-sections are even worse than mine was six years ago, and that they are still being performed at an alarming rate- almost one in three births in the United States is a C-section.  (This figure is from 2007, and is probably higher for 2008 and 2009 but the rates have not been released).  It seems at times for those of us who believe C-sections should be reserved for true medical emergencies, it is an uphill battle.  What difference really can we have?

I found out how much of a difference one person’s experience can have this past weekend.  I was getting my haircut, and only have it cut every few months now.  My stylist, “Emily,” told me she was seven months pregnant, and of course I congratulated her.  Emily is young- at least young from my perspective- she probably is not older than 25.  She knows I have two boys, and she asked me what hospital my kids were born at.  I told her, and told her I had a C-section with my first son and a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) with my second son.  Emily asked me which was better- the C-section or the vaginal birth.

I told her the VBAC by far.  I told Emily I was holding my baby seconds after he was born, versus not being able to hold my baby for an hour after birth with a C-section.  I told her I was able to eat 30 minutes after the VBAC, versus three days after with a C-section.  I told her I bonded instantly with Cole after he was born, versus five days with Ryan, after the C-section.  I told her I was nursing Cole within minutes after the VBAC, versus an hour with the C-section.  I told her I felt better three days after the VBAC birth versus twelve weeks, with the C-section.

Emily was quiet for a minute, and I was wondering what her reaction was going to be.  She put down her scissors and told me, “Thank you.”  I was a little surprised, because I was expecting her to tell me she had heard C-sections weren’t that bad.  Emily told me that she wanted a natural birth, and so many people have tried to talk her out of a natural birth.  She also said so many have told her that she’ll end up with a C-section anyway.   Emily said she was starting to doubt if she could really give birth naturally, but hearing my comparisons, it firmed her resolve.  Emily said unless she had a medical emergency, she was going to give birth naturally, and not let anyone talk her into a C-section!  It was so encouraging to hear a younger mother with that attitude.  I told her of a few resources that could help her even more, and she thanked me again for being honest about my birth experiences. 

I have thought about this exchange for a few days now, and after reading Sarah’s sentence, the realization became very clear.  Emotional trauma from a C-section does not ever completely vanish. It will always be- to some extent or another- with us.   It doesn’t matter if it was a week ago, twenty years ago, or if it was a medically necessary C-section or not.  We can never go back and undo what was done.   But our honest experiences with C-sections can be more powerful to someone who is seeking information than any books, or medical professional.

When women are told they need to “get over” their traumatic C-section births, by ignoring the parts of their birth experience which were negative, or traumatic, it doesn’t ”magically” make everything better.  It harms the women again, because now it isn’t acceptable to share or to talk about anything that isn’t a positive birth experience. 

There are still women, like Emily, who believe their bodies are capable of giving birth the way they were intended to do so.  There are women who don’t believe insurance companies, hospitals, drugs and surgeries are the answer to birth.  These women want to know the truth, and are seeking answers.  On the opposite side, there are so many women who had no one who shared their C-section experiences with them, when they had to make their decisions.  There are women who have lost so much, and and have been hurt from C-sections.  How do these two sides come together?

By telling our stories.  It doesn’t matter that some won’t agree with you.  It doesn’t matter that some will tell you to get over it.  It doesn’t matter that some will tell you, you should be grateful your baby is healthy.  It doesn’t matter that some will accuse you of trying to be overly dramatic.   It doesn’t matter that not all C-sections are traumatic for everyone.  What does matter is ours was.  What does matter that someone else’s will be too.  What does matter is we talk about it.  It matters that we share our stories, and honor our birth experiences- all of them. 

For the women who refuse to accept a C-section is the normal way to give birth, by sharing our experiences, we confirm their instincts, and they confirm ours- a surgical birth is not usually the best way to give birth.  Most importantly, by talking about it your spirit starts to heal.  A little at time.  Never completely, but enough. Our experiences become patched together like a quilt.  This is enough to make a difference, one birth at a time.

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This morning, my baby boy (who isn’t a baby any more) turns six!  It seems every year I am amazed at how fast the time has gone by.  I look back at Ryan’s baby pictures, and can’t quite comprehend where that baby went.  It also seems his baby days were over in an instant.  When I think back to those first few months with a newborn, it didn’t seem possible that really, in a blink of an eye, he would ever be six. 

One of my most cherished memories of Ryan was on the day we came home from the hospital.  I had been in the hospital for five days because I had some complications from a C-section.  The hospital was a hustle and bustle, and there was always someone coming and going, or a nurse in the room checking either on Ryan or myself.  I had so much pain, bonding with Ryan had been hard- I was trying to learn how to take care of him, and manage my pain.   

We came home in the afternoon, and Ryan’s dad left to get some food.  For the first time, it was Ryan and I at home, by ourselves.  I was sitting in a glider, just having finished nursing him, and he was asleep in that happy little milk coma, newborns fall into.  He had a little smile on his face while he was sleeping and his head fit in the palm my hand.  His body was not longer than my arm up to my elbow.  I remember just sitting there and looking at him, and I fell in love with him in that moment.  I had tears running down my face because of the feelings I felt for him- all 7 pounds of him!

So to Ryan, six years later-I love you more than I could ever even imagined that afternoon.  You are simply amazing, and I learn so much from you every day.  At six, you love routine and order.  You love playing school (you are the teacher of course) and you like playing pharmacy (you are the pharmacist- of course).  I am very happy that you love school and learning so much.  You are becoming quite the reader, and enjoy reading to us.  

You are discovering sports and have played soccer and basketball during the last year.  You keep asking when you get to play baseball, and you can throw a baseball really well.  If I had to make a prediction, I think baseball is going to be your sport. 

Your favorite food is a tie between ice cream and macaroni and cheese, but you are trying more and more foods.  You also like spaghetti, ham, and chicken.   Your favorite breakfast is Cinnamon Life and waffles.  You would drink a gallon of milk a day if you could.

You ask a lot of questions now too!  The other day you were asking so many about football, for so long, I asked you if you could stop asking questions for a few minutes, and you asked “Why, questions are good.” 

Even at six, the love and patience you show your younger brother, Cole, is touching.  You think about him, and are concerned with his well being.  As we were taking down the Christmas tree, Cole was crying because he was sad Christmas was over.  You went up to him, and put your arm around his shoulder and said, “Don’t worry buddy- I know it is sad, but Christmas will be here next year, and Santa will bring us new presents.” 

With examples like this, I often think you are much older than you are- sometimes you seem like a little old man trapped in a much younger body.  That first afternoon at home with you, I loved you because you were my baby.  I had no idea who you were, what your personality was like, or who you would become.  Six years has gone by so fast Ryan, but every day, a little bit more of your personality gets reveled.  It is a joy to watch this, and I am so lucky and fortunate I am your mom.  

For the next six years, I plan to make sure you do your “job.”  You like to know what people’s jobs are, and sometimes you become too concerned with adult issues.  So your job is to be a little boy, to play, to have fun, to do well at school, and most importantly- eat ice cream.

Happy Sixth Birthday, Ryan.  I love you!!

1/16/04- 10 days old

October, 2009- Kindergarten picture

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I was recently contacted by Elizabeth McGee, who runs the website, Worryfree C-section.com.  Elizabeth’s purpose was very intriguing to me- she isn’t promoting C-sections, but is helping women understand what is involved in a C-section.  Elizabeth writes ”Whether your c-section is planned or comes as a surprise, I’d like to help it be as momentous as possible by informing, educating and familiarizing you with the physical and emotional aspects of preparing, having and recovering from a c-section.”

I was honored that Elizabeth decided to post my blog article, Recovering After a C-section, on the site’s blog collection of the “Best Of” C-section Recovery Tips.  I also like Elizabeth’s article, Emotional Recovery After a C-section.  I feel this is one area that women are usually not very well informed on regarding C-sections, and it good to see it addressed. 

I always encourage women to find out as much as they can before hand about C-sections. If you are researching C-sections, I think you will find the information Elizabeth has compiled at her website and blog, from other moms and professionals very informative and helpful.

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Since the five years I have had my C-section, I was told many times that I should just be grateful my baby was okay, and I should get over the negative feelings that I had regarding the experience.  I noticed that almost every woman who responded to my questions had something about her C-section that she was not happy about, or had been unprepared for. 

I think our society is very harsh with mothers who have given birth by  C-section in this regard.  A C-section not only brings a new life into the world, but it is also a major abdominal surgery. If a heart patient has a negative experience with heart surgery, their feelings are usually not discounted and told to get over it.  Of course all mothers are happy their babies are born healthy, whether they are born vaginally or by C-section.  But that does not, and should not invalidate any negative feelings a mother may have giving birth by a surgical procedure.   

Simply saying a mother should get over it, and be happy her baby is healthy is like telling a survivor of an awful car wreck, “at least you didn’t die,” or “you should be happy you are alive.”  That is a given- but the pain and trauma from the experience also needs be to validated in order for the survivor to heal.  We acknowledge the pain and suffering of car accident victims all the time.  We do not invalidate the victim’s feelings just because they are alive.  

Yet that is what happens to women over and over again, who share their negative C-section feelings. Their feelings are invalidated and they are told and expected to dishonor any negative feelings they have about their C-section births. 

Birth is one of the most powerful things a woman experiences- what kind of message does that send to a mother when she is told her feelings she has regarding her C-section are not valid?  

The C-section rate continues to rise in the United States every year.  According to Childbirth Connection, in 1965 the C-section rate was 4.5%.  It is estimated that when the 2007 figures are released, they will show the rate over 30%, or one in three births are a C-section. In some hospitals, the C-section rate is 50%. 

My C-section made me doubt my body.  I trusted my doctor more than myself.  Doctors are experts in medical procedures, and we are all grateful to have them for medical emergencies.  However, women are the experts on their bodies.   For thousands of years, midwives- other women- assisted during birth.  Birth is normally not a medical experience or emergency.  Yet, that is how the entire process is generally approached.  Women are made to feel that they are not capable of giving birth without a doctor present in a hospital. 

Ina May Gaskin, one of the most famous midwives in the world, who has her own birthing center in Tennessee, did not have a woman who needed a C-section until the 187th birth that she attended.   The next C-section birth didn’t come until after the 300th birth.  Contrast that with one in three births being a C-section today. 

It is my opinion that women are losing the ability to believe that their bodies can give birth, and birth is not a medical condition.  Add to this, the women that are told to “get over” their negative birth experiences and not acknowledge their feelings.  How does this attitude in our society prepare a woman for her next birth?  How does this psychologically affect her?  Is she more likely to believe in her body for the next birth or decide she needs a C-section?

C-sections have their place, and I am the first to acknowledge that.  But with every C-section that is performed that is not a true medical emergency, I believe we are teaching women and girls- the next generation- that their bodies are inadequate- incapable of giving birth without a major surgery.   As long as women allow doctors to make the calls for them, the C-section rate will continue to grow, and our choices for birth diminish.

Women need to support each other and share their birth experiences.  Perhaps one story of a successful VBAC will encourage another woman to try a VBAC.  One story of a woman’s experience with a C-section will help another woman avoid one.  We can support each other and learn from one another.  By sharing the good and the bad of our birth experiences, we lay the groundwork for allowing women and girls to trust their bodies.  After all, women are the experts in childbirth.  Who better to learn about birth from than another woman who has experienced it?

Karen Walker, a midwife, believes that “obstetricians will continue to encouraging the birthing mom to sacrifice her body on the operating room table until women begin to take the responsibility of her birth upon herself.”  She says, “Doctors will get off their pedestals only when women get off their knees.” 

The Unnecesarean.com was the first place this week that I read about Lauren Plante of Thomas Jefferson University’s essay, Mommy, What Did You Do in the Industrial Revolution?   In her essay Plante compares industrial obstetrics with the industrial revolution.  One profound statement she made when comparing modern obstetrics:

Industrial obstetrics strips the locus of power definitively away from women. The history of childbirth in America reflects a persistent trend of increased control by physicians and increased medicalization. Childbirth moves, first, out of the home, and now out of the vagina.  (bold print mine)

It is interesting to note that Lauren Plante is an OB/GYN. 

It is my hope by sharing my C-section experience, other women’s experiences, and by continuing to write about  C-sections,  that women who are considering a C-section for a non-medical emergency, can find real life experiences, thoughts, and information from other women that will enable them to trust their bodies can give birth. 

We each are given the power over our bodies.  The power is there- in all of us- to give birth to our babies.  We have to trust that our bodies can do what they were made for.  We have to get the information we need to feel confident in our bodies.  When will we feel we have given enough of our birthing power and choices over to the medical industry?  When the C-section rate nationally is at 5o percent? 75 percent? 100 percent?  

It is every woman’s right to attempt the birth experience that she feels is best for her baby and herself.  Please don’t give that right over blindly to a doctor simply because they are a doctor.  If you don’t want a C-section only because your baby is breech, then do what I didn’t do- fight to preserve that right.  Seek out midwives or another doctor.  If you are told your hospital doesn’t allow VBAC’s, and you want one, do what I did- find another hospital that allows it.  You don’t have to settle for a birth option, just because a doctor says that is the only way. 

If we, as women don’t demand better from our doctors and hospitals, then we, and our daughters, will never get anything better from them.  We will never get better choices, better information, better treatment, and ultimately better births.

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This is part two of the interview with ten women on their C-section experiences.  You can find C-sections Five Years and Beyond (Part 1) by clicking on the title.   

Do you feel you were given adequate information from your doctor or health care provider regarding the C-section? (procedure, recovery time, possible complications, emotions, etc)

Justine- “Absolutely not. Granted, this was 1989 and things have come a long way since then. But whenever i asked questions (“Why is 12 hours the limit? If i don’t have a fever, then why are we worried about infection? Since the IV is in, can’t we start an antibiotic as a preventive measure instead of surgery?) the answer i got was “You can’t mess around with your baby’s health like that.” or “Our job is to take care of you, your job is to let us” I had no idea what to expect after the surgery…and they just kept pumping me full of narcotics even though I wanted to just try Tylenol…ugh.  It was simply a nightmare…and one that I could not wake up from.”

Jane- “I didn’t get the information that I would be separate from my baby for hours after birth.”

Beth G.- “Yes, I really liked and trusted my doctor. I’ve always had specialists, so my doctor did the c-section. The other Dr. who scrubbed in happened to be a good friend of my mom’s whom I’d known since I was young.”

Kristi- “Not the first time around.  Definitely not.”

Beth S.- “No one talked to me about anything! I just remember signing the papers that talked about possible complications. Fortunately, I had read everything under the sun about all the variables involved in childbirth, including C-Section, so basically everything I knew, I had learned on my own.”

If you had to do it over again, is there anything you would change or do differently regarding your C-section?

Emily- “I would have just scheduled it from the get go. But that’s easier said than done. C-sections after an induction are more likely to cause complications, which mine did. I was induced in large part because I was just over my pregnancy. I enjoyed it as a whole but I was ready for the baby to come. And my mom kept asking me when she should book her ticket to come out. So I put pressure on my doctor to induce me. In hindsight I wish I had just been more patient. If I had waiting, my son may have righted himself and the whole thing may not have been necessary.”

Renae- “I was under the care of a midwife and planned to labor and deliver at her birth center. If I had it to do over, I would research c-sections and would have sought out a doctor’s help sooner. (We knew my baby was measuring incredibly small.)”

Justine- “First of all, I would never go to the hospital unless I had a bullet wound, lost an appendage, or had a brain tumor. But, barring that scenario, I wish I had made my wishes about breastfeeding and being with my baby clear before I had the surgery, in writing…I wish I had had a doulaor a trained professional to help me navigate the medical system…I wish I had asked about what kind/type of incision was being made and why…and most of all, I wish that I had retained the services of a midwife instead of an OB. Even if the c/s was inevitable, the lack of respect was inexcusable.”

Natalie- “My first two C-sections weren’t scheduled, but my labor was induced early both times mostly for convenience sake.  If I could do it again I think I would try to hold out until I went into labor or until after my due date.  I think the babies were taken too early.  13 and 11 days early.  They hadn’t dropped and just weren’t ready to come out.  I might have been able to prevent the C-sections if I had just waited it out.”

Beth S.- “Because of the complications that had arisen, I couldn’t have done it differently. Had everything been fine except for the fact that he was overdue, I would have waited until he was ready to come out on his own!”

Have you had, or attempted to have a VBAC? (vaginal birth after Cesarean)  If so, what was the single most important reason you had for making that choice?

Renae- “No. I wish it possible, but because my incision is classical it is not recommended. I see the wisdom in the decision for me. At the end of my next two pregnancies both tiny babies were in distress.”

Justine- “ I have had 3 VBAC’s…1994, 2003 and 2008. My last one was a homebirth. The most important reason for me was having a gentle welcome for my baby and a healthy chance of recovery for me so that I was able to parent my baby right from the start.”

Jill- “No–my doctor advised against the 2nd and 3rd times.”

Brenna- “Yes, I attempted a VBAC with my second son. I felt that I owed to him and myself, and even my first son, to try. I knew the recovery time would be shorter and hoped that breastfeeding would be easier to start with.”

Beth S.- “I went on to have 3 more children via VBAC. The last 2 were with a midwife! I just wanted to have the entire ‘natural’ experience. As a woman, I felt it was my God-given right, I guess! I just had the instincts to do what nature had intended for me to do when it came to giving birth.”

How do you feel about your birth experience with your C-section, now that it has been five or more years? (I am including all the responses for this question)

Emily- “I actually feel fine with it. I know that C-sections are more expensive and I spent more time in the hospital than I would have otherwise but I also was super grateful for the time in the hospital with help.”

Beth G.- “Positive.”

Justine- “I have to admit, that even 20 years later, it is still a sore spot. The scar is as healed as it ever will be…and successfully birthing my three daughters has given me back confidence in my body and its ability. But I will never recover the time that my c/s [c-section] stole from my son…I cannot remember any of the sweet moments in his first few weeks…it was a living hell and he paid the price for it…I was too weak to hold him or pick him up. I was too tired to sing to him or to marvel at how perfect he was..every bit of my energy went into simply trying to get myself a glass of water, or hobble to the bathroom, or sit up and nurse. Perhaps it is different for momma’s who had a real medical issue, or needed a c/s to save their life, or their baby’s…but I went through all of this for…nothing.  I still have a lot of guilt and regret about not knowing more, or for not standing up for my rights as a patient. It is what has led me to the work I do now, so I am grateful for the point of view, but am still bitter about it.”

Renae- “I am at peace. My children are wonderful and the scar is a reminder of how my love has grown.”

Jill- “No regrets about c-section. My son is a healthy, tall for his age kindergartener.”

Brenna- “I feel okay about it. I am thankful we do have the technology to step in and help as needed. I feel that it is done far too often, but I do feel that in my case it was probably necessary. That really helps me feel at peace with the experience.”

Beth S.- “I think I’m fine with it only because I had the proof in front of me of my son’s weakening heart beat that it needed to be done.”

Kristi- “I can’t say I ever really even think about it.  I have no feeling of inadequacy or regret that I’ve heard is common.  If I planned on having six kids I think I’d be upset because I wouldn’t want to go through that surgery too many times but that’s not the case.”

Natalie- “I am completely fine with it.  I have 4 amazing kids and the fact that they were C-section babies is barely even a thought in my mind.  Only when I am answering medical questions or comparing births (which gets rarer and rarer the older I get) does it even enter my mind.  I don’t feel any less of a mom or a woman because of having to have C-sections.”

Jane- “I’m crying as I’m typing this.”

Any other thoughts, comments, or observations you would like to share? (I have included all responses received to this question)

Beth G.- “I believe there are trade-offs. While a c-section has it’s medical issues, it was nice to have a clean surgery/recovery site with no ripping, soreness, etc. from a traditional birth.”

Justine- “Next month [April] is Cesarean awareness month and I will be posting c/s [C-section] info in conjunction with my local ICAN chapter at www.JulianArts.com

Renae- “When it’s all done the little ones we hold in our arms are the focus, not how they entered our love. (And by the way, my son is fine. He was born at 35 weeks and weighed only 1 lb. 13 oz. You’d never know it now. Here’s a post that contains his birth picture {yikes!}: http://lifenurturingeducation.com/2007/11/19/more-thankful-a-decade-later/)”

Jill- “Explaining how a baby is born is easier with a c-section baby. I would say “the baby came out of mommy’s tummy.” The children never asked about mommy’s private parts. They seemed satisfied with this explanation.”

Brenna- “The hospital that I went to for all three of my children has an amazing nursing staff. That really made all the difference in creating positive birth experiences with each baby, regardless of the means.”

Jane- “Just get as much info as you can before hand. Try to schedule at a hospital that allows you to recover with your baby. No matter what happens, breastfeed! Babies need touch and warmth – and you can’t get that closeness with a bottle! Even if the nurses give the baby a bottle because they say it is an emergency while you are recovering, insist on breastfeeding after that and don’t allow any more bottles!!!”

Again, I would like to thank all these woman for taking the time to share their thoughts with me, and allowing me to post their experiences here. 

I will have my concluding comments and few more thoughts about C-sections in the final part of this series.  It will be posted on Thursday of this week.

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