The day before the first day of school, Ryan’s school had a meet the teacher event. There was also a Boy Scout information booth set up in the hallway.  As we were leaving, Ryan went right to the booth and started looking at all of the pictures.  The leader started talking to us about the various levels, activities, and when it would start.  

Ryan was intrigued and was very interested in becoming a Boy Scout.  I never participated in Girl Scouts, or even knew that much about the program.  Other than seeing the uniforms around, I wasn’t sure exactly what they did or what their purpose was.  The leader told us the first meeting and information session for new scouts would be in a few weeks, and we signed up to attend the meeting.

The past few weeks I’ve asked friends who are involved in Boy Scouts their opinions.  Everything I heard from them was positive.  I asked my friends on my personal Facebook page, what their experiences with Boy Scouts had been, and again, it was all positive.  There were several adult men who commented they had really enjoyed their time in Boy Scouts and it helped them learn a lot of different skills.  One of my friends also commented there really is no other program out there for boys like it. 

Then the comment came- just about the only thing I had remembered hearing about Boy Scouts, and that is their position towards gay people.  I haven’t read the actual policy word for word, but they prohibit any person who is gay from being a leader or participating in the organization. This has been challenged legally, but since they are a private organization, the policy has been upheld. 

One of my friends told me she would have enrolled her son, who is also in first grade, in Boy Scouts if not for this policy.  She was still thinking about it.  My friend Alison, told me she had friends who participated in Boy Scouts and it really depends on the local group.  Another friend of mine from high school, who has been involved in Boys Scouts for years with his two sons, and who is a leader, confirmed the same thing.  He also said in all his years involved, he had never heard one anti-gay comment, and it had never been an issue.

In our own circle of friends and family, there are gay people.  I teach Ryan and Cole to treat everyone with respect and kindness.  Personally, I disagree with the Boy Scout policy, and think they should change it- the sooner the better.  Ignoring that people are gay, and preventing them to participate in an organization is discrimination.  It seems hateful and very mean spirited.  Most of the information I read said the Boy Scout organization does not ask, or divulge into a person’s sexual orientation.  So it seems like the classic case of ”don’t ask, don’t tell.”   

Because I don’t agree with the Boy Scouts national policy on this issue, is that a good reason to keep my six year old from joining the organization?

The biggest question I had was, would telling Ryan he couldn’t join, change anything on a national level?  Sadly, the answer is no.  I feel in this case, the harm would be greater to Ryan- telling him he couldn’t join- than it would be to the Boy Scouts.  After considering what people have said their experiences have been at a local level, it didn’t seem likely that the anti-gay policy would be an issue at this time, in Ryan’s life.  He’s only six, and doesn’t fully grasp all the issues involved in this situation.   

I also think as a parent, the most important thing I can do is let him live life.  The way he wants to, within boundaries of course.  Ryan might not like Boy Scouts after he is in it for a year and will want to quit.  Or he could love it.  But if I never let him try what he wants to do, he will never know.  If he wants to continue in it, there will be a day for this policy conversation with him.  If he feels he doesn’t want to be part of an organization that bans gay people that will be his decision to make, when he is able to do so.  Not mine.  

Last night was the first meeting and Ryan loved it.  His best friend, who is in his class, showed up as well.  They both were so excited.  They watched the older boys with the flags.  They listened to the leaders speak.  They sang a song, and learned more about some of the activities they would be doing.  Ryan is already excited about archery. He wants to go get his uniform.  Cole also whispered to me when he is in first grade, he wants to be a Boy Scout too.   

The core values the Boys Scouts work hard to install, and the sense of accomplishment they help boys to develop in themselves, seems pretty amazing.  I heard boys a few years older than Ryan speak with pride about their activities. They were well spoken, polite, and confident.  It is puzzling that an organization that can cultivate these values with boys, has an anti-anything policy-especially a sexual orientation policy that can’t be chosen.  

As I heard the boys speaking last night, and I watched my own son, excited and eager, my hope for him is to be confident, have a sense of accomplishment, and develop a strong sense of self.  It’s bizarre the Boy Scouts have developed millions and millions of boys every year, with these strong core values, while maintaining their anti-gay policy.       

If Ryan’s generation can recognize discrimination, work to change and correct it, then the Boy Scouts will have had a hand in this, by the values they help develop.  Ending discrimination should start with the Boy Scout organization.  It’s an ironic paradox.

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Summer has been heating up in Colorado, and by the time dinner rolls around, the last thing I feel like doing is making a heavy meal. I usually cook something substantial for the boys, but I’ve been trying to make simple and lighter food for myself. 

Today while I was grocery shopping, I spotted some natural and organic prosciutto.  I immediately thought of one of the tapas I love most from the Mediterranean Restaurant in Boulder.  They wrap prosciutto around cantaloupe, and top it with grated Parmesan cheese.  I thought it would make a perfect light dinner.  Pictures of the final product I made tonight:

As I sat down to eat with the boys, who were eating turkey, noodles, cheese, and melon, they asked me in their most critical voices, “What in the world is that?”  As if I had just picked through the trash can for dinner.  I launched into my explanation about how wonderful prosciutto is. 

I told them it is Italian ham, and asked them if they wanted to try it.  Of course, they refused.  I explained to them the salty flavor of the prosciutto mixes perfectly with the sweet melon, and the cheese gives it just a slight bitter taste.  I told the boys this is one of the best dishes which blends three flavors flawlessly.  I asked them again if they wanted to try it, and they looked at me like I suggested they ride their bikes to the moon.

Cole then said,” Mommy, do you know what I am going to make when I grow up?”  I was excited- I thought I sparked his culinary imagination. 

“What?” I asked him, eagerly.

He smiled at me from ear to ear and then replied,

“SpaghettiO’s.” 

I have never served my children SpaghettiO’s.  Up until tonight, I didn’t think they had ever heard of, seen, or (gulp) tasted SpaghettiO’s.  How could my son compare a perfect real-food dish to SpaghettiO’s? 

I almost cried into my prosciutto wrapped melon.  But it would have made it soggy, and I wasn’t going to have two tragedies in one night at dinner. 

Hopefully one day when we are all eating real Italian food, I can tell them this story and laugh.  I hope for my kids, appreciating real-food is an acquired taste.

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Our summer so far has been very busy.  Compared to last year, though I’m not complaining, but when I envision summer, it seems like life should be moving slower, and it shouldn’t be so rush-rush- every day.

Someone once told me as your kids get older, life gets busier and that seems to be the case.  I’ve been working, juggling daycare, and trying to plan some fun activities for the boys.  I have also had to start looking around for a new place to live once the house we are living in sells.  There has been a re-organization at work, and it just doesn’t seem like there are enough hours in the day to get everything done that I have and want to get accomplished.  It is really overwhelming at times, realizing it is just me now.  I don’t have any safety nets- if I don’t succeed in balancing work, finances, time with the kids- Ryan and Cole will suffer.  The practical, over-planning part of me feels like I should work as many hours as I can, and then some. 

Recently a good friend, who is a single mom of four, told me what she regretted.  She said once she was divorced, she panicked about finances, and she made that her goal. She figured if she was okay financially, she wouldn’t be so stressed and it would mean security for her and her kids.  She says though she really missed a lot of time with her kids, and they all suffered.  She says she will never get that time back with her children, and the financial security came at way too high of a price.  She told me no matter how crazy things seem to get, keep my kids as a priority, and everything else will work out. 

So keeping that advice in mind, I am happy the boys and I have been able to do some fun things so far this summer.  We’ve been swimming a lot with my sister and her daughter- the boys’ cousin.  Last week when I was working and our childcare provider was on vacation, my sister took all the kids to the zoo, and they had a blast.  Yesterday I was able to take the boys to see a local production of The Music Man.  We have a camping trip with my dad, (Papa Dan), planned for July, and some vacation time planned.   

In less than two months, school will start and Ryan will be in school full-time.  Cole will be in preschool, and I will be working more hours.  It is the end of an era for us.  My kids and I will all be starting new chapters in life, and making adjustments.  I am very grateful it seems like it will be good timing for everyone.  

As I think about this last block of time we have- it really is a gift.  I have been so fortunate to be able to share the majority of these early years with my children.  With all the difficulties in the last year and a half, the highlight has been being able to have time with Ryan and Cole. 

There are a million things I should and could be doing this summer.  It is hard for me to not have every detail planned out. This is a very hard “leap of faith” I’m taking, but I believe it is the right step now for the boys and I. 

But for the next two months, I’m not going to worry or stress.  I’m going to get done what I need to, and enjoy the time with my children.  I’m believing as my friend advised, put the kids first, and everything else will fall into place. 

My friend, Steve, has a great blog- Fleur de Life.  He ends every post by tying in what he wrote about as the Fleur de Life-the important things that really matter.  I love the quote below, and to “borrow” from Steve- taking a leap of faith…-it is the Fleur de Life!

  “When you come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly.” –Barbara J. Winter 

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If you have been a reader of my blog for awhile, or know me, you know that I have been in the midst of a divorce for a year and a half.  Last week after a trial, it was final. 

I’ve debated over the last year and a half, on how much I should blog about the divorce, and what was going on with it.  I felt like some of what I was experiencing could help others in similar situations.  But because of the nature of it, I decided the less I wrote about it, the better. 

One thing that surprised me somewhat, but probably shouldn’t have, was during the court trial, my ex-husband’s attorney threw out quotes from my blog, and mentioned some of the things regarding my health, and running that I have written, in order to portray me negatively in the manner she needed to.

As I sat there listening to her use my announcement that I was cancer free, and the information I have shared about running, to make her case, it was unsettling.  I wrote those things, and shared them to help other people, and to let other cancer patients know there is hope and life after having cancer.  Perhaps I was too naive- I didn’t think what I wrote would be turned and twisted around by an attorney, who was trying to show I don’t work full-time for my own selfish reasons. 

I know the reasons I haven’t gone to work full-time since my cancer recovery, and they have nothing to do blogging and running.  They have everything to do with my boys, and my being available for them-especially while their parents were getting divorced.  That might not make me the most successful person in my profession, or have me earning the most money I possibly can, but it has provided my children a sense of stability and normalcy through the divorce. 

I know I made the right decision for Ryan and Cole.  I will never look back at the last year and a half, and regret I didn’t have a full-time job.  I will remember I was there for my kids so their routine was not drastically changed.  I will remember I was there on Ryan’s first day of kindergarten.  I’ll remember standing at the bus stop with Ryan each morning and being there every afternoon when he got off the bus, until he gained the confidence himself. I will remember his smile when I volunteered in his classroom.  I will remember helping Ryan with his homework when he came home, having a snack with him and Cole, and talking about our day.  I will remember on the two days off a week I had, the one-on-one time Cole and I shared.  I will remember drawing, coloring, and baking with him.  I will remember playing farm, village, and fireman.  I will remember reading books to him, and going to the park.  I will remember talking to the boys about divorce, and the feelings they were having.  I will remember I was available for them during this incredibly difficult process. 

It turned out to be the right decision for me not to blog any specifics about the divorce.  My advice to any other parents who are wondering if they should blog about their divorce- don’t.  Written words are so easily twisted and taken out of context. Be there for your kids, and do what you need to do for them.  When it is all over, what is really important- and all that matters anyway, is you were there.

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Childhood is full of milestones: first smile, first laugh, crawling, first word, walking, and the list goes on.  Sometimes it seems with a baby, new milestones are reached every day and are noted.  Now that my kids are getting older, these events seem fewer and far between.  Or maybe as parents, we just grow accustomed to our kids doing new things, so not everything they do draws the attention like it did when they were babies.

Recently, Ryan had two milestones that made me stop and take notice.   The first one was last week, on the day I pick him up from school.  The class was lined up outside, like they always do, and his teacher, Mrs. G., excuses the kids to go with their parents.  When she called Ryan’s name, he went and gave her a big hug.  Then he walked over to me, and I started to hug him, like I always do, and he pushed me away.  Then he said, “Not at school, Mom.” 

I was a little puzzled since he had just hugged Mrs. G.  I guess it is okay to hug your teacher, but not your mom.  As we walked to the car, I asked him if he was too big now to hug me.  He kind of avoided the question, until we were in the car, and then said, “I still want to hug you, but not in front of people, Mom.”  I joked with him and told him he was too cool now to hug me, and I understood.

But wow.  That happened fast.

The second event started last week.  We were at Costco getting the tires rotated, and Ryan told me he had to use the restroom.  I started to take him, and then asked him if he was okay going to the men’s room.  He told me yes, he could read, and he knows which one is the men’s room.  I didn’t want to follow him too closely, but I watched him from afar, and he went into the men’s room, and came out a few minutes later.  He told me he washed his hands, and he added, “I am a man now, because I use the men’s room.”

I told him he wasn’t quite a man yet, but he was on his way, and he was big enough to go to the restroom by himself when we are out- he just has to tell me.  So today we were out, and he told me he was going to go use the men’s room. 

It seems funny but also a bit sad at the same time.  As a mother, seeing your children become a little less dependent on you, it reminds you of how helpless they once were, but also how incredibly far they have come.  It’s a part of life.  It doesn’t mean though at times, it isn’t bittersweet. 

It makes me cherish the time I have with Cole, who can’t hug me enough, and doesn’t want to use the men’s room by himself-yet.

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