I had a laser surgery yesterday to remove the precancerous cell growth I had.  I’m very happy to be able to type this today- the surgery went great.  It was much better than I had been expecting.  The nurses, and doctors were so organized and on top of it all.  I am feeling groggy and dizzy from the anesthesia, but the pain is not nearly as bad as I had thought it might be.

The hardest moment for me was when I was in the pre-op bed, with the IV in waiting for the surgery to start. In the hospital bed like that, I felt sick.  I missed Ryan and Cole so much.  A lot of memories of surgery and cancer came back to me.  I knew this wasn’t cancer, but those “what-ifs” seem to have a way of creeping in.  I was going to be unconscious during the surgery, and that made me nervous.  I also saw my chart binder with my last name, and it reminded me of seeing that binder when I was in the hospital with my mom before she passed away.  I missed her a lot yesterday.

But my family and friends had called and texted me before the surgery, and I knew they were thinking of me.  I was able to mentally make the shift that I was not sick, this was a preventative surgery, and it would be better I was asleep during the surgery.

A day after, I hope this was the last surgery I will ever have to have.  As I wrote in my last post, I have made a few changes in my life, to work on keeping my stress down.  It takes a conscious effort, but I definitely do not want to get any more cancers, or abnormal cells that could develop into cancer.

I have received a lot of email from thyroid cancer patients and survivors.  It seems like we all have our struggles.  One person I know is still having dosage problems for Synthroid two years after the fact.  Another person  still doesn’t feel back to normal after two years as well, and is nervous about developing more cancers.

Yesterday all the nurses and doctors who looked at my chart told me I was a very healthy person.  I was a little surprised to hear them all say that.  When I asked them even though I had thyroid cancer, they said yes- from a medical perspective, thyroid cancer is treatable and curable, and they look at the overall health picture.

I wanted to write and share this, because it is too easy once you’ve had cancer, to stop viewing yourself as healthy. I like what the medical staff had said, it’s an overall health picture. One cancer, or two- a few surgeries, doesn’t make you an unhealthy person.  I am going to make that mind shift and keep all of it perspective.

Thank you to John, who took excellent care of me after the surgery last night,  my friends and family for your well wishes, and for checking in with me today.  I’m also very grateful to Ryan and Cole’s father’s family who are helping out with their care this week, so I can recover.

As I’ve written so many times, cancer does change you, and there are good parts to it and not so good parts to it.  But, the main thing is to keep on top of it, and trust your body.  It will be a fight for probably the rest of our lives, but as all cancer patients and survivors know- it is well worth it.

Subscribe to A Mama’s Blog's RSS feed so you never miss a post!

It’s been a month since I’ve written a blog post!  I wish I had a great excuse for not doing so, but I’ve been busy.  Mainly with work.  I work in the accounting field, and this is always a busy time of year.

I’ve been well since my last post- finding out I was cured from cancer.  It is pretty hard to top that!  My doctor changed my Synthroid dosage slightly for reasons I mentioned in the previous post.  I now take a smaller dosage on Sunday, and I’m finding I’m very tired on Monday and Tuesday.  It’s amazing how such a small adjustment down in dosage can affect how I feel.  I’ve been trying to get more rest on these nights, and just hoping eventually my body will adjust.  But it’s always a process. 

The weather has been so windy here, and we’ve had lots of rain and cooler temperatures.  Combined with my being swamped at work, and extra tired two days out of the week, I’ve not been running as often or as long as I would like to.  I also had a hard time last year, around this time of year.  Everything with my mom being sick, dying, having her funeral, her birthday, and then Mother’s Day, started in February and goes until May.  It’s only been a year, and it’s still an emotionally hard time during these “anniversary” dates. 

I’m trying to let myself feel what I need to feel and not push myself physically too much.  I have been able to get out on shorter runs on tougher routes during my lunch, and that feels like the extent of what I want to do with running for now.  I hope as the weather gets nicer, I can start running longer distances again and get out on my bike.  I was going to try to run a half marathon in April, but I hadn’t been able to build up the mileage, and I didn’t want to risk running that distance and get hurt.  I’m not going to pressure myself to run in any races for the time being, but am just going to enjoy running when I can for now. 

Ryan and Cole are doing great.  School is almost over for them, and they are excited about attending a school / day camp program where they will be learning and going on field trips this summer. They have both learned how to ice skate, and enjoy playing hockey- on ice, and in our driveway.  Ryan is finishing up Cub Scouts for the year and they both started karate lessons a few weeks ago.  They love it, and are already talking about earning their next level belt. They don’t want to be white belts anymore!  Here’s a picture of them from their first lesson:

I’m looking forward to summer- the warmer weather and spending time with my boys.  They are growing so fast, and after this summer my “baby” will be in school full-time.  Cole is going to be five next month, and in full time kindergarten in the fall.  It seems like those years from when he was a baby to now, have just flown by.  I hope we can slow down a bit during the summer, relax more, and I can savor what is left of my youngest child’s pre-school days. 

My 20th (gulp) high school reunion is planned for July. I helped plan our 10 year reunion, and am helping out as much as I can on planning the 20th.  If I thought my kids were growing too fast, it seems crazy I’ve been out of high school for (almost) two decades!  It will be fun to see everyone in person, and see all of our kids- new ones, and see how the babies have grown into pre-teens and teenagers from the last reunion.  Seems like we were just kids ourselves, and now we have kids- when did that happen?

I am planning a special post in June, to coincide with the two year anniversary of my thyroid cancer surgery.  I’m excited about it, and I think it will help so many cancer patients looking for resources and answers.

This is some of what has been going on- of course there is more, but I’m trying to get to bed earlier, so the more will just have to wait.  I post shorter updates on my FaceBook Fan Page.  I hope you will stop by there, and even though it’s been a few weeks, thanks for continuing to read A Mama’s Blog.

Subscribe to A Mama’s Blog's RSS feed so you never miss a post!

Twenty three months ago, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 papillary thyroid cancer. I had a feeling before I was diagnosed, even though the odds were only 1 in 10, the nodule on my thyroid was cancer.  I can’t explain why, but in the back of my mind, I knew.

 A month later, I found out the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes, and not only was I going to have my thyroid removed, but an extensive neck dissection removing cancerous lymph nodes. 

Reading back on these posts brought back a lot of emotions for me; uncertainty, fear, sadness, and the unknown. As I faced the surgery, I did the only thing I could do, and that was deal with everything.  My surgeon, Dr. Peter Schmid, was able to save the lymph nodes in the right side of my neck.  The biopsies he performed during surgery on those lymph nodes were not testing positive for cancer, so the surgery was not as invasive as originally thought.  It was still as he warned me though, “brutal.” 

The recovery from surgery was a nightmare, because of some mistakes made by my then endocrinologist’s office.  I went for three months without Synthorid and was extremely hypothyroid.

After the radioactive iodine treatment (RAI) was complete and I could start on Synthroid in August, 2009, things started to improve.  I felt better every day.  I started running.  I felt like the cancer was gone, but as I’ve written before, cancer changes your outlook on life. What seemed secure isn’t, what you take for granted before, you don’t.  It has always been there I could still have cancer, or it could come back. I started the recurrence tests two weeks ago, having had to delay them several months due to insurance issues.

Last week I had numerous tests including a full PET body scan, and blood labs work done.  I have felt poorly for the past week, from side effects from Thyrogen, used for the tests. At the scan, I received initial good news- the tech performing the scan, along with the radiologist said my thyroid area looked good.

But nothing could prepare me yesterday for the official results with my new endocrinologist, Dr. W.  She confirmed the scan had come back clean, and looked great.  Dr. W. told me my thyroglobulin level (Tg) which measures for thyroid cancer had come back undetectable. It should be at zero if there is no cancer.  Before my surgery, Dr. Schmid had told me my Tg level was 37, which was very high for someone my age, indicating cancer had spread from the thyroid.  With the Tg level undetectable that was the proof in my blood, the cancer was gone-for now.  Then Dr. W. told me the words, I was not expecting, “…I’d say the cancer is cured.  You are cured.”

I got through the rest of the appointment, trying to listen to what is next.  Dr. W. told me I don’t have to do the recurrence tests again. She suggested since I’ve met my insurance deductible for the year, to have a neck ultrasound done now, and then I won’t have to have one for two years.  I will need to come in for blood work once a year.  She needs to adjust my Synthroid down slightly, because there is risk of side effects developing later in my life if I stay at the dosage I’m on. But other than that- it’s over.  I’m cured.

It seemed surreal as I walked out of her office, which is across the street from the hospital where I had my surgery two years ago.   I sat in my car, and started to shake.  And then I started to cry.  I cried tears of relief, tears of joy, and I cried all the uncertainty and doubts away I’ve carried with me for the past two years.  This ordeal was over.  I beat cancer, and I was officially cured. 

The first person I had to tell was my dad.  I don’t know how I would have survived that summer after my surgery without him.  When I was so sick from not having thyroid medication, he did more than I ever could have asked him to do for me.  He took care of the boys and I, when I couldn’t. I didn’t have to ask, he just did.  When I was scared, he wasn’t.  When I couldn’t drive myself to my doctor’s appointments, he did.  I only found out later, how scared he had been for me too.  I called him first and told him. I could hear the relief and happiness in his voice.

Then I called Dr. Schmid.  I left him a message and thanked him for his skill and expertise in my case. He had promised me I would live to see my boys grow up, and he was right.  Throughout this entire process, every doctor who has worked with me, has remarked how amazing it was that Dr. Schmid had been able to get out so much of the cancer from just the surgery.  Even yesterday, Dr. W. made that comment again, that he did a magnificent job.  She also confirmed there were no traces at all of cancer in the right lymph nodes- the ones Dr. Schmid had left in place.  He had been correct about that as well. I feel so grateful to him.  In a sense, he gave me my life back, and I don’t have to worry about cancer because of his thoroughness. He also always treated me like a person first, and a cancer patient second.  Two years after the fact, I wanted to thank him again for the crucial part he played in my hearing those words, “You are cured.” 

I called my very good friend, Amy, next.  Like my family and so many of my other friends, Amy’s been there every step of the way for me.  She went with me last week to my scan, just so I wouldn’t have to be there alone, while another friend, Heather, watched her kids, so Amy could come with me.  She texted me before and after the appointment yesterday. She was in the hospital visiting me after the surgery, and organized help for me. She entered and we were finalists in a contest for a trip to New York, because I missed going to Chicago with her after I had surgery.  Whenever I needed anything, Amy either did it, or asked another one of our friends if they could help me. 

Then I called my family. Like my dad, they did whatever they could to help me out and the boys.  They were all terrified for me, but were strong and told me I was going to beat this.  They believed in the outcome, when I didn’t.  When I found out I had cancer, I had to leave them a message to call me back, and some things never change.  No one answered their phone yesterday. :-)  They all called me back throughout the evening, and I was able to give them the good news.

I sent messages to my friends- the ones who have been my extended family, and did whatever I needed from cooking meals, to cleaning my house, to watching the boys during my doctor appointments, to mowing my lawn.  I am still so thankful for all of their help and support.  

I didn’t call one person though right away, I wanted to tell him in person.  When I was at home, quarantined after my RAI treatment, he would send me happy, funny, normal, run-of-the day messages.  He talked to me as his friend from school, not as though I was sick.  He’d joke my super power was now being radioactive.  When I wrote him back, I didn’t feel like I had cancer, and my neck had just been dissected.  I felt like myself. I didn’t have to talk to him about being sick, cancer, and all my fears.  It was a sense of normalcy, and it was a beginning. A beginning that showed me I was still the same person with or without cancer. Our conversations brought out the healthy, happy side in me, not the scared and sick side.  It wouldn’t matter to John if I had been told yesterday I wasn’t cured.  He’d still be there, but I was very happy to tell him I didn’t have cancer anymore. 

The two little guys I want to hold, hug, and kiss, will have to wait. They went to their dad’s for a week for Spring Break.  They gave me so much strength-strength I didn’t know I had.  When I was at my lowest and weakest points, unable to even walk up a few stairs at my dad’s house, I’d see them playing outside, and knew I had to make it up the stairs, so I could see them play.  They deserved a mom who could watch them play.  And I would find a way to walk up the stairs- something that had been impossible to do, until I saw them.  

I told my friends other than the boys being born; yesterday was the happiest day of my life.  I was wrong.  When I can hold Ryan and Cole and tell them Mommy’s cancer is gone- that will be the happiest day yet.  I get to see my boys grow up, and I can finally give them that reassurance. 

To all my family, friends, and blog readers, thank you all for being here with me. Thank you for helping me fight and beat cancer.  From the day I was diagnosed with cancer through yesterday the support has been overwhelming.  I feel like you are all a piece of the puzzle and you all fitted in to help me exactly when and how I needed it. 

To all my blog readers who are battling thyroid or any cancer currently, don’t give up.  All the fears, pain, and doubts, you currently have are only temporary.  Draw on whatever gives you strength. It is easy to lose your spirit with cancer. It took mine for a while, but it only wins when you give up.  Some days you have to fight with everything you have and then some.  But at the end, when you beat it, and you hear the words, “It’s gone,” or “It’s in remission,” or the sweetest one of all, “You are cured,” it will all be worth it and then some.  I promise.

Subscribe to A Mama’s Blog's RSS feed so you never miss a post!

Lice. I hate that word, and I hate the havoc the nasty little bugs cause.  When I was small, I remember my mom constantly having to do head checks on us for lice.  There seemed to always be an infestation at school or at church.

My sister’s and I had hair down to our waists, so the procedure of my mom looking through all of that hair for lice eggs was not fun.  We never had lice, but she didn’t take any chances.  Whenever a new report of lice came out, we would have the head inspection, and all our bedding would be washed, and or stored away in garbage bags for a few weeks.  At the time, not a lot of information was out there about lice, so my mom was trying to be proactive.

I haven’t thought about lice in decades.  Until yesterday, when Ryan’s school said there had been a few confirmed cases of lice.  The afterschool care had his items double bagged in garbage bags, (just like when I was a kid), and said they were taking every precaution since one of the kids with lice has had it twice now. 

According to Kidshealth.org, some of the signs of lice are scalp itching, and small red bumps or sores from scratching. Lice can be seen with the naked eye, and some kids may even feel the lice and verbalize it.  Lice eggs can look like dandruff, but they will not flake off the hair when flicked, like dandruff will.

Kidshealth.org also has some good suggestions on how to get rid of lice, or prevent an reinfestation:

Wash all bed linens and clothing that’s been recently worn by anyone in your home who’s infested in very hot water (130° Fahrenheit, 54.4° Celsius), then put them in the hot cycle of the dryer for at least 20 minutes.

Dry clean any clothing that isn’t machine washable.

Have bed linens, clothing, and stuffed animals and plush toys that can’t be washed dry-cleaned. Or, put them in airtight bags for 2 weeks.

Vacuum carpets and any upholstered furniture (in your home or car).

Soak hair-care items like combs, barrettes, hair ties or bands, headbands, and brushes in rubbing alcohol or medicated shampoo for 1 hour. You can also wash them in hot water or throw them away.           

I didn’t find a lot of information on preventing lice when you have never had it, although the above guidelines may apply if your child has been around an infested person. 

The school seems to have taken all the precautions they can.  Ryan told me even their classroom chairs are covered in plastic.  I talked to him about not sharing hats, combs, sunglasses, and the school is having their personal items plastic bagged for now.  I am also going to wash his clothes every night until the school is “deloused, “as an extra precaution.  I’d much rather do a small load of laundry daily, than have to deal with lice in our home, and the process of getting rid of them. 

There are a lot of natural remedies out there too, but I didn’t find anything very consistent.  I usually like natural remedies in most cases, but with lice, since they are so contagious, I think the conventional methods for treating lice is best and most effective to eliminate them completely. 

In the meantime, we will have Ryan’s coat and backpack bagged up every day, I’ll be doing laundry at night, and keeping my fingers crossed those dreaded nits don’t make an appearance in our house, or on our heads!

Subscribe to A Mama’s Blog's RSS feed so you never miss a post!

March 2004

I can hardly believe that Ryan is seven today!  It seems like he was just a baby.  I know every parent asks at one time or another, where the time has gone, or how can my child be growing up so fast? 

Those days when Ryan was a baby seemed like they went so fast- in a blink of an eye he was crawling, then walking, then talking.  Now the years seem to be flying by.  He’s reading, doing math, playing sports, and expressing his individualism. 

Ryan and I talked last night about what he was looking forward to in the next year.  He said he wants to learn how to ice skate, and play soccer better.  He wants to keep learning how to read better and he wants to be a good brother.  Then he smiled at me, and said he had one more thing.  When I asked him what it was, he said, “This one’s for you mom- I’m going to keep my room clean.”  That made us both laugh.

Then I asked Ryan if he had any advice he wanted to share. I told him it was going to go on my blog and a lot of people would read his advice.  He thought about it for a few minutes and then shared some of his seven-year old wisdom:

• Help your mother in life
• Obey school rules
• If you do well in school, you can be anything you want
• Eat cake and have fun

I told him that was excellent advice, and I was so lucky he was my son.  He gave me a sheepish look, and said he was getting too old for me to tell him things like that.  I tousled his hair, as he squirmed away.  There are a lot of changes he will go through in the next seven years. I know my little boy won’t always be a little boy.  But in my heart, he will always be my sweet baby boy.

Happy Birthday Ryan, I love you!

November, 2010

Subscribe to A Mama’s Blog's RSS feed so you never miss a post!